PERSONA DANCING ALL OVER MY SOUL

rnikan:

SO AT WORK TODAY I WALKED IN AND MY MANAGER WAS ON THE GROUND CRYING AND I WAS LIKE KIM WHAT’S WRONG AND SHE POINTS TO THE ORDER SCREEN AND IT SAYS WE NEED TO MAKE 2000 PIZZAS BY 6 PM SO I CALLED THE GUY AND HE WAS LIKE “I MEANT TO ORDER 20 PIZZAS OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY I’M ON MOBILE” AND I’VE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

more-hetalia-headcannons:

monobeartheater:

djsais:

arceeofficial:

june-and-the-ocean:

egberts:

if you try to tell me cold doesnt have a smell you’re wrong

when its really cold you can literally smell how cold it is

SWEET JESUS

SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS

OH MY GOD.

I TELL PEOPLE THAT IT SMELLS “SHARP” WHEN IT’S COLD AND PEOPLE THINK I’M FUCKING INSANE.

DEAR CHRIST

COLD SMELLS THE SAME WAY SOME METALS SMELL

Rain smells round, cold smells sharp, and spring in general smells curly.

and heat smells fat and heavy

this is the best thing I’ve ever seen 

userboxed:

the-real-ted-cruz:

racetrak:

remember at the beginning of the election when we were all making ted cruz is the zodiac killer jokes and feeling bad for jeb bush and laughing at donald trump’s stupid things and watching snl make fun of all the candidates and watching debates just to see what stupid shit trump would say and the uncomfortable looks from everyone else. yeah how do we get back to that. now it’s too close it’s not funny anymore

those were the days

rileytheferret:

largeandlovely:

starswereexploding:

radicaltrains:

• the Pacer
• a million standardized tests
• waking up way too early
• some two girls always screaming “OH MY GOD I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER” in the hallway
• stress breakdowns before finals
• gum under your desk, even in schools that have never allowed gum
• Jeopardy review
• the Cupid Shuffle
• shitty cafeteria food
• FREEZE
  
• EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS

What is the pacer

The pacer test. Where you sprint back and forth across the gym and whoever lasts the longest without experiencing heart failure or respiratory distress wins.

The pacer test is a multi-stage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets faster as it continues.  Line up at the start.  The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each time you hear this signal:  *r2d2 screams in hell*   A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound:  *digitalized bicycle bell from a five year old about to run your ass over*   The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over.  The test will begin on the word “start.”

On your mark

Get ready!

sTART!

mens-rights-activia:

you: bobby pins
me, an intellectual: Robert Clasps

joltick:

me irl: speaks in a fairly monotone voice, doesnt smile a lot, literally gets told i seem dead inside

me online: uses double exclamations points!!  says things like omg and aah and oooooooooooooh a lot.  screams at cute pictures of cats

liminalpolytheist:

disabledfeministvoice:

thatoneqprblog:

merelyimmortal:

zetsubonna:

dapperpea:

glampersand:

heroscafe:

emmmpty:

autistictesla:

pneggy:

Pretend ur invasive self hating thoughts r being said to u by a 13 y/o boy on xbox live trying to get a rise out of you like
“Your girlfriend dumped you because you’re ugly”
that’s nice tim isn’t it past ur bedtime

also, if you have intrusive violent thoughts, pretend they’re being said to u by an annoying backseat driver

“drive into that pole”
thanks karen or i could not do that

Perfect

you can also pretend that the Super Paranoid thoughts are being said by that conspiracy theorist in your history class

“maybe they poisoned you”
maybe you should fuck off, geoffrey-with-a-g

OHH MAN I DO THIS SHIT EVERY DAY

My favorite for intrusive anxious thoughts is to pretend Spock’s behind you with an answer.

“did I lock the door-”

captain you have locked the door every day for over ten years, and it is very hard for most people to break even subconscious habits, so you most definitely locked the door

I told my new psychiatrist about how I learned this from y'all and his eyes lit up. He didn’t smile but he did nod a whole bunch of times, it was great.

I like to pretend that my intrusive thoughts are being said to me by a super uptight religious white lady

“god hates you because you don’t believe in him”
“your failures are too great to be forgiven by anyone”
“everything you do is wrong and you are going to burn in hell”

thanks for the input brenda but fuck right off

I would just like to say that I love you all for this idea.

Reblogging this for a friend.

I’M TRYING THIS

thebootydiaries:

me getting robbed on an elevator: that’s wrong on so many levels haha :)

robber:

me:

robber:

me:

robber:

me: honestly? the fact that u dont appreciate,