My Night @ Support Group ((tw’s in tag))

So I made a super brief post about how tonight was great and mentioned support group, so I’d like to expand on that a bit just because so many great things were said and learned tonight.

For those who don’t know, I had a gastric sleeve surgery about 3 weeks ago. It’s a bariatric surgery that removed most of my stomach to create a smaller, more sensitive stomach. I’ve made posts as to why I did this, but I don’t feel like digging that up to link to it at this moment so here’s the briefest explanation: for my health ((NOT specifically for weight loss like the stigma goes)).

Anyways, once a month the facility I had my surgery at holds a support group for people who have had bariatric surgery ((LapBand, gastric sleeve, or gastric bypass)) or are considering it. It’s an amazing resource that helps me connect with others who have gone through or are going through what I am in order to become physically healthy ((or at least as physically healthy as what I have control over)).

Although I’m by far the youngest, since most of the people there are 40 or older, it is an outstanding group of people who are the most supportive and loving group I’ve ever been with ((considering I’ve been to quite a few support/therapy groups for different reasons)).

Anyways, with all that out of the way, I just wanted to talk about some interesting and amazing things I heard and learned tonight. Because I’ll be talking about touchy subjects, I’m putting it below a cut.

TW for eating disorders, weight loss, dieting, fatphobia, self-harm, mental illness, casual ableist language ((at one point)) and anything else along those lines that may come up as I’m spewing word goo all over here.

So each month there’s a new topic, and this month’s was a panel of previous patients answering questions. The people on the panel had all lost 100 or more pounds since their bariatric surgery, and ranged from being 2 ½ years out to 13 years out from surgery. This alone was really eye-opening and shocking for me, to see these people still working to maintain and succeed, and that it was just a part of their life now.

Since I was too afraid to really reach out and ask questions before my surgery ((though I did enough research to know it was right for me)), I mustered up what I could to ask a few things, and even asked a question privately afterwords. They also answered questions that were emailed in over the past month.

One of the first things that struck me was an answer to the question:

“How do you feel to be at a normal weight now? Do you still feel fat?”

One of the ladies began to answer, but then gave a pause before saying something that really struck me:

“Well… here’s the thing. I really don’t think there is a ‘normal’ weight.”

She went on to talk about how there’s not a normal, but rather a “fitting” weight. She explained a sentiment that I’ve been learning to accept for some time: that healthy and a “normal” weight are different for everyone, really meaning there’s no “normal” weight.

Just the way that quote was phrased impacted me more than I expected; it was just something I needed to hear.

Over the course of the panel, they were all so detailed, informative, and honest about their experiences in a way that made me hopeful and excited for what’s to come. I was starting to feel “buyer’s regret” this past week, since I can no longer stomach things like burgers and milkshakes. I wondered if I’d made a mistake… but after tonight’s group, I have no regrets, and if anything I’m more sure than ever that this was the exactly right choice for me and my life.

After the panel we split into smaller groups for personal sharing, and the second of many things that struck me occurred. 

When it was my turn to share, I confessed that I’ve been struggling, and haven’t lost any weight in the past week because I’ve been eating a lot of sodium and drinking my calories.

I said, “I mean, it’s only three weeks out and I’m already breaking "the rules” since I’m a stupid teenager, of course.“ in that sort of awkward tone.

And then one of the women, one who works at the facility and who I’ve gotten to know a little bit, said to me,

"Well, Jack. I try to not interrupt people, but I just want you to know there are no "stupid teenagers” in this circle. However, there is a brave and wise young adult looking out for their body and themselves, and that’s pretty incredible.“

And other people in the circle chimed in and encouraged me and I was kind of taken aback to find myself in such a loving and motivating group. Naturally, I cried because that’s what I do best.

I’d previously shared about how I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder for many years, and being patients of bariatric surgery, most of them had been in my shoes many times as well. The way we can all just understand and know each other’s experiences is jarring, and also a testimony to the why society treats fat people, and the way we treat ourselves.

Now, this isn’t all some testimony to go get surgery and lose weight. This is the very personal experience of myself and the people who also elected for this procedure so we can be at our healthy.

Afterwards a young woman in her 30s who is having her gastric sleeve surgery tomorrow morning came up to me and thanked me for sharing; I’m the most recent patient that attends group since it’s been only 3 weeks, and she told me how it was reassuring and inspiring to hear someone’s experience while it was still ongoing and fresh, and that touched my heart.

…I was going to talk about what I actually learned in terms of health tips and strategies in this post, but I’ll do a separate one for that since this is getting hella long and the feels are rampant.

Anyways, tonight was an emotional but excellent night.