Aries Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?

Taurus Oh, my God. These dogs are so cute. I WANT TO THROW UP AND KILL MYSELF.

Gemini I think that Comic Sans always screams 'fun'.

Cancer I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.

Leo I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.

Virgo Everything in my life is going wrong right now. Whose fault is this? I demand to know.

Libra I'm not interested in caring about people.

Scorpio Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. This is a nightmare.

Sagittarius No, no. That's too much responsibility for me. I gotta— I gotta find a way out of this.

Capricorn Yes. I am a hunter, and it's 'You' season.

Aquarius My anxiety has kept me up for over fifty hours.

Pisces I'm hungry and my legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised!