What Each Sign Needs

Aries: A war machine and a dildo
Taurus: More food. Like seriously. Order a fukin pizza.
Gemini: Someone who will actually listen to their blabbering.
Cancer: A loyal friend who they can pour their heart out to.
Leo: A support group for Uptown Funk taking over their lives
Virgo: A room filled with symmetry.
Libra: More friends *hook em up*
Scorpio: A knife and a convenient dark alley.
Sagittarius: A book on how to actually be cool not an adorable dork.
Capricorn: A textbook on basic social skills.
Aquarius: Lots and lots of pencils for their creative needs. They break too many raging.
Pisces: Hugs.