Moemon FireRed: Part 2 “The Man Needs His Damn Coffee”

Okay, take two for this since my Heracross lost to the mighty Donphan. I’m back for reals this time.

I’m using all caps this time because I’m SERIOUS and ready to fight. 

Thanks to slytherinbunny for the ‘mon choice and name! The theme is now memes. New attempt, new theme. The other two choices were Torchic or Caterpie. Caterpie is a hot mess and Torchic is a legit starter so Machop is my bro now.

My bro, JOHN CENA, tenderized him with a low-kick to the face. Take that to KFC and sell it in a $5 fill-up. JOHN CENA does not fuck around. He’s hardcore. I like him.

The first wild battle, but it didn’t count because I didn’t have Pokeballs yet and couldn’t catch it. Thank God, because I don’t want a flimsy-ass Wynaut clogging my team with that Destiny Bond tomfoolery. 

Should I… should I call 911? That woman doesn’t seem too concerned- she probably committed the crime. Also, looks like Ix is on Skype. Thanks for the cameo, bruh.

Pokemon: Mailman Simulator.

Daisy knows what’s up- calling out Oak for what he really is. I like her; she’s my new favorite.

That’s all you have to say? I am leaving on a cross-country journey. I might not come back. “Take care now!” That’s cold, mom. You show more concern for my Pokemon than me. I see how it is.

My first real battle! I got my balls and I’m ready to go- another fighting type? Not too bad. I need to catch it anyways so-

JOHN CENA killed the damn thing. He really needs to control his temper or he is no longer considered my bro. Looks like no catch for route 1. Dammit, JOHN CENA.

So? I could just sneak by it? I could climb it? I could literally do anything- and that’s not a tree. It’s barely taller than me. It might be shorter than me. That’s a dinky little shrub. I could kick it over, probably. This is just nonsense.

Moved on to route 22; I’m skipping the optional rival battle b/c I don’t want to die. I did catch a Spearow, though. Another member of the meme team.

Welcome to the team. Why so serious? BIRB seems like a stoic young fellow. He’ll warm up to me; if he doesn’t he’ll have the same fate as Torchic. Watch the attitude, BIRB.

You blocked a road, laying there, motionless, because you were tired?

….yeah, I feel that. Headcanon: the Old Man has narcolepsy.

Just this once I’ll let it slide, Old Man.

Never mind, he’s on my hit list again. Why does he think I can’t catch a Pokemon? I just caught BIRB? Give the man more coffee because he’s still in a brain fog. They’ll probably give me the option to skip the tutor-

For fuck’s sake. I’m out of here- time for the next route. Show me what you got in store this time!

Another bird? Eh, whatever. It’ll be useful in the forest, I guess, but it’s not like I can use it against Brock. Wait, are Brock’s Pokemon randomized, too? Shit. I guess I’ll find out. 

She looks like a songbird, so FRIDAY it is. Gotta get down on Friday.

And just in case you’re wondering, that’s not an innuendo. 

Well, I guess I’ll try out my meme team in the Viridian Forest. The birds should be fine, but JOHN CENA needs some levels in case Brock is still a Rock-Hard leader.