The signs as quotes from "history of the entire world, i guess"

Aries: Nope, can't walk yet. And there's no food so I don't care.
Taurus: Fuck it, time to plant some grass. Look at this, I control the food now. Now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.
Gemini: Hey Christians, do you sin? Now you can buy your way out of hell!
Cancer: It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you. How did this happen?
Leo: Forget this. I wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. I want things to change. I want to invent time and space.
Virgo: Is loving Jesus legal yet?
Libra: Let's overthrow the palace and start cutting all their heads off!
Scorpio: Get the hell out of here. Will you get the hell out of here if I give you 500 elephants? Ok thanks bye.
Sagittarius: Time to conquer all of Europe.
Capricorn: Damn, we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
Aquarius: That's bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that's a scam, fuck the church, here's 95 reasons why.
Pisces: You could make a religion out of this.