And update from earlier: I wrote a long-ass letter to dad, explaining everything about mom and how she’s slowly edging me closer and closer to suicide. I didn’t sugarcoat anything, I didn’t pull any punches. It was four pages of the honest damn truth.

As expected, he showed it to her. She came into my room and talked to me. She apologized for a lot of things, she made a lot of resolutions on how she needs to change. I was honest and I told her I won’t believe her at all until she shows consistent and significant change. I’m done starting with the benefit of the doubt. I’m holding out hope, but she will have to start from zero and earn my trust, and earn the ability for me to feel safe around her.

I don’t know if this will truly be the time she changes. Am I idealistic and hope so? Of course. But I’m keeping myself in reality and I’m going to be keeping track. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but I expect significant effort to turn to significant progress- and not over years. I’m talking over weeks. I’m done negotiating my gender or my life in general with her.

Fingers crossed that this may perhaps be the time.