Aries "Stop saying I look like Chicken Little because he's a coward and I'm NOT A COWARD."

Taurus "Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does!"

Gemini *sneeze* "Nice, Ron." "I sneezed! Oh, am I not allowed to sneeze?"

Cancer That one mashup of the Seinfeld theme with "Numb" by Linkin Park.

Leo "To make a long fuckin' story short, I put a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass."

Virgo "Roses are red, violets are blue... why did you leave me Karen, what did I do?"

Libra "You know what? I'm about to say it. I don't care that you broke your elbow."

Scorpio "Whoah, I've McFallen! I'm sorry! I've McFallen!"

Sagittarius "There's only one thing worse than a rapist. Boom." "*gasp* A child!" "No."

Capricorn "Dad, look! It's the good kush!" "This is the dollar store how good can it be?"

Aquarius "We all die you either kill yourself or get killed. *dances* Whatcha gonna do? *dances* Whatcha gonna do?"

Pisces "Ask all of my friends, they'll tell you I'm the nicest, but not if you're in motherfreakin' ISIS."