jingle bells, espurr smells, jackles laid an egg
HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I LAID AN EGG OH MY GOD SHOULD I SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT THIS— oh wait nvm it’s just my period. *sighs*
nah espurr you just smell like grass from hanging outside back where all that really tall grass was at
and jacks
im pretty sure i saw a fucking penguin egg in your kitchen that you laid last night
you’re secretly a penguin …. aren’t you? :o
n-no…. *waddles away vigorously to a little snow home*
RED ALERT RED FUCKING ALERT THEY’RE ONTO US *me and my penguin family all run in circles, crying. I hold my son penguin close to me* You’re the man of the house, now… you have to go. I’ll stay here and hold them off.
“But dad-”
“NO SON I MUST DO THIS YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND”
“But dad what if you don’t come back?”
“THAT IS A RISK I HAVE TO TAKE FOR YOU AND THE FAMILY, MY DEAR CHILD”
“Dad, please don’t go! I don’t want to go without you”
“PLEASE DON’T CRY SON YOU MUST GO. GO AWAY. BE FREE”
“Dad… I… I’ll wait up for you every night!”
*they leave and I cry in the middle of my living room, grabbing my shotgun* Tonight… is the beginning of the end!
And he ran. Ran from all his doubts and suspicions. He tried to forget the faces of his son and wife. Thinking of them would only make his sacrifice a more bitter trial.