((TW: Self-harm.))

Today’s episode really hit home for me- and I think it did for a lot of other people, also.

Mike’s been my favorite character since I first saw him. I’ve always related to him, and to an extent, his struggles. I guess I could go as far to say that I see myself in Mike.

Although I don’t have MPD, I do suffer from multiple mental disorders, primarily anxiety, depression, and panic disorder. I think it’s because of this that I really resonated with him.

In today’s episode (and throughout the season thus far), the series has taken a dark turn. Although the show is normally lighthearted in nature, the truth of the matter is that this show is dealing with mental illness- something that is dead serious.

We saw Mike hit an extreme. He’s struggled all his life to just be himself- hell, I’m sure a lot of his adolescence was desperately trying to figure out who he was in the midst of all of his alters. Then in the last season, something clicked and he was finally beginning to get a handle on his disorder. He gained a sort of confidence, even allowing his alters to take control of his body as needed. Though all of a sudden, something has happened, and Mike has lost that control he worked so hard to grasp. He thought he was well on his way to recovery, and now he’s more lost and confused that he was before.

A lot of people struggling with mental illness know this experience too well. And like Mike did, they caved in and turned to self-injury to try and make it better. I don’t care how the show wants to go about describing it or explaining it- Mike intentionally injured himself out of the desperation and pain that was holding his heart in a vice grip. And to top it off, what pushed him over the edge was the thought of burdening and hurting the ones he loves.

This is some dark stuff we’re getting into- and sadly it’s a haunting reality for myself and many others. We’re talking about the vicious cycle of losing control, desperation, giving up, self-injury; the fear that you’ll hurt the ones you care about. This is some really scary shit.

And it’s a bit jarring that this is all coming from a show like Total Drama.

Let’s review the facts:

-Mike is currently imprisoned inside of his own mind, taken captive by his mental disorder.

-In the past, Mal got him into so much trouble that he went to a juvenile detention center and won the respect/fear of the others to the point of running the place.

-So far in this season he has made no other goal than to cause pain for everyone- attempting to his Zoey over the head with a bat and send her down a cliff and succeeding at injuring many others.

-MIKE IS A VICTIM OF HIS OWN MIND. Mal could very well seriously hurt others and ruin all of his relationships, as well as ruin his life while he’s at it.

Yeah, this is a fucking kid’s show.