Step 1: Acknowledge that while your perspective may be skewed, your feelings are still very real. Whether you’re acting on fact or assumptions, your feelings are still valid in the sense that you can’t control how you feel, and you should not feel ashamed for feeling.

Step 2: Pretend you’re a friend or counselor and explain to yourself all of the reasons the troublesome thought is not true. Affirm yourself without shaming yourself for feeling.

Step 3: If you need a few minutes alone to gather yourself, say you have to go to the restroom and do a bit of deep breathing while thinking of the nicest things people have done for you; awesome birthday gifts, words of encouragement, a fun family vacation, a silly memory of a friend. Let these kind of thoughts flood you.

Step 4: Profit.

Yes, actually! I still need to get my friend to come over with their camera, but I recently received a galaxy-print binder from Shapeshifters. They’re an awesome business run by LGBT+ people for LGBT+ people, and one of the store’s owners, Eli, was exceptionally friendly with their customer service and enlisting me to be as model for them. They even specified looking for plus-sized, minority models ((with other usually avoided traits in fashion models)). So I would SUPER recommend looking into them. Plus, their patterns are FREAKING AMAZING. I’ll have better pictures soon, but here’s a selfie for now. C:

And you’re so ragingly nice. ;;;;;v;;;;

8: Talk about the thing you’re most proud of.

No accomplishments ever come to mind with a question like this, so I’m going to be a little weird for a moment. One thing I’m simultaneously proud of and embarrassed by is my sensitivity. I am heavily affected by how others are feeling. I feel more deeply than I ought, which can be a good and bad thing. I’m intense and passionate and sound like a pretentious dork when I compliment people or tell them what I like about them. But I mean all of it; it can be a huge flaw, but ultimately I’m proud of my authenticity. That when I feel something, I FEEL it. When I give a compliment, even if it’s strange, I mean it. I don’t offer empty praise and I don’t fake empathy/compassion. If someone is near me and they’re a strong emotion, I feel that and I naturally draw to them to help mitigate the intensity if it’s a bad thing. I live to wash my friends and loved ones in assurance and solace when they need it and perhaps even when they don’t. Even though I feel too much, I’m proud of the fact that I am so receptive to the moods of others. I don’t know if that makes any sense, hm…

14: Talk about a vacation.

Every year when I was younger, my family would go to Lake Chelan during the summer. I remember a handful of things from those trips. I don’t think these were all from the same trip, but I’ll rattle off the first few memories that come to mind from those years: I watched the episode of Blue’s Clues that revealed Blue had a sibling named Sprinkles while I was in the hotel room; I often got car sick even when I took medicine to help me get through the three hour drive on each way; the place we stayed was called “Campbell’s” and there was a small gym and a restaurant over head; I was by the pool when dad told me a pun joke that ended with ‘it’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!’ and the way he was telling it I thought it would be a dirty joke at first but it ended up being silly pun tomfoolery; I went to another kid’s hotel suite and we watched the Lizzie McGuire movie and ate macaroni and cheese. I don’t remember anything about that kid, or the movie; I got this rhyme about antelopes eating cantaloupe stuck in my head when I was there; I ate a whole pound of steak and was really proud of it for some reason, when I got back there was a copy of National Geographic Kids in the mail waiting for me and I was AMPED.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

I don’t really get the desire to be someone’s friend- if we click it just happens. I don’t like having a lot of friends to begin with, preferring to have very few but very close relationships, so I never anticipate making a friend. It simply unfolds and it’s awesome. This was very hard to explain.

2: Talk about your first kiss.

My real first kiss or my literal non-familial first kiss? I’ve told the literal version, so I guess I’ll talk about my first romantic kiss. The setting is May of… whatever year I was in 8th grade during. Remember how that one guy predicted the world was going to end or something on May 21st or whatever day of 2011? I think it was was 2011. Anyways, I had a datemate at the time ((it was a weird three-year on/off/clusterfcuk relationship)) and we were joking around and I said something along the lines of if the world doesn’t end maybe I’ll kiss you. So, of course, when the world didn’t end, we shared a brief, awkward, but decent first kiss. Six months later I broke up with him because he was just too uptight.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve ever had.

I’ve never been huge on celebrating my birthday? I mean, like in the sense of a party. I like going to dinner with family and getting things they know I’ll love. I don’t really like birthday parties, though. At least, not until recent years. I also can’t remember much about the specifics of my birthdays. Rather than the best single birthday, my best birthday kind of event is going out to dinner with my family every year. It’s basic, but I really don’t like parties. Even now, my ideal birthday party would be me and two or three close friends chilling at my apartment.

15: Talk about the time you were most content with your life.

….there hasn’t been? I don’t mean to sound like a downer, I suppose, though both because of my personality and the way my parents raised me, I was never really content. Not so much with my life, but with myself. By the time I was old enough to gauge the concept of being content I was being put on diets and the most important numbers were the ones on my report card. I have a difficult time being content with myself, so I can’t say I’ve ever been “content” to a point where it lasted more than a day or two.

24: Talking about something someone told you that meant a lot.

I’ve told this story once or twice before, I’m sure I have. And technically, this wasn’t “told” to me. At least not with words. In tenth grade, my mental health was at its worse. That was the school year I cut more than ever, tried to commit suicide twice, and could count the reasons to stay alive on one hand. I was taking notes in Biology, and my sleeve flipped up. I didn’t notice at first, but a friend of mine did. I pulled the sleeve down and nobody else seemed to have seen. Later, she approached me, tugged up my sleeve lightly, and drew a butterfly on my wrist, writing her name underneath it in Sharpie. It didn’t stop me from cutting for the rest of my life, it didn’t cure me- but I still remember that moment so clearly because it meant the world to me, and I think about it a lot, still. I’m not terribly close with that person anymore, but we’re mutuals and we’re both pursuing our interests in college. She’s still the stellar and ebullient person I remember her to be.

39: Talk about things you’d wish you’d known earlier.

I’ll just list them off in one big ol’ paragraph thing.

Dear Jack,

You are not defined by numbers- not a result on a scale, not a grade on a test, not any of that. You’re not a number, you’re not able to be quantified and defined by something as impersonal as a number. You never deserve a trauma. You’re not a monster, you’re just very sick. You need to keep working hard to get better, though. Know it’s not your fault, but don’t hide behind your illnesses to avoid facing them. You can’t just cure things or make them stop. No amount of progress will make the illnesses go away, but you will be able to improve, and you learn to cherish that progress instead of dwelling on the distance left to go. The way people love you don’t define your worth. Honestly, how much you love yourself doesn’t define your worth. You can’t be assigned a value; you’re a person, a SOUL- not a product. God won’t turn His back on you. God doesn’t cause the awful, terrible things. He can carry me through them, though. Get help sooner- don’t wait until you have a mental breakdown and are forced to get medical help. People will ALWAYS let you down- every single person you ever know will. They will all let you down, but the ones who realize when they do and show their guilt when it happens are the people who really matter. Don’t try to make pancakes with cookie cutters. Don’t take painkillers every day or you will get rebound headaches. You’re not overreacting; your trauma is valid and you’re valid. It wasn’t your fault. Never stop cherishing the North Star because they’re more than a friend; they’re truly a soul mate and never, ever let them forget how amazing they are. It’s okay to be cheesy. Tell people you love and appreciate them whenever you think of it.You don’t need a reason to compliment someone, to encourage someone. Just give positive words because they come to you and you want to offer them to others. You can get as far as you need to in life without fucking other people over. Music is…… beyond measure. Pun intended.

yes

On it! I might keep other requests for other days btw.

Give me like an hour. //shot

Duuuuuude </3 I’d love to do your makeup it’s so fun- it’s socially acceptable face painting and everyone looks like a 100/10 with makeup! Like seriously… who would rob themselves of the opportunity to wear makeup?! If it’s your think, you get to put colors on your face- why should that be considered exclusive to one gender? O.o 

Now I want to do my makeup tonight but I’d have to shower afterwards. XD

Daisy: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

About seven- my best friend at the time and I didn’t really know the connotations of it; we just knew it was a thing adults did. So she dared me to kiss her and I did. X’D

**Flower Ask Meme**

Thank you, sweet nonnie! I hope you have a pleasant night as well. uvu Although I can’t see your face I am never wrong and my intuition tells me that you are quite cute as well. 8D

Thanks! @morrigansdemon made it for me as a gift. <3 

I used to take it at 100-200mg per night, and it was very effective for sleeping… but it left me terribly groggy the next day. The average person could probably handle it, but I have narcolepsy so anything that makes me more tired during the day is a death sentence. It also depends on the dose- if I still took it now I could probably go down to 50-100 because I weigh so much less now. I actually need to get a stronger sleep med again because hydroxyzine will not cut it. Maybe look into Remeron? My dad has been using it for years and it works best for him. I might even look into that and hope it works with me, too. everyone is different.

Side note: I have a friend who used to take Trazodone and it worked GREAT for her but the side effects were too much and she had to go off it- she’s on the thin end and was taking about 50-100mg I think?

I hope this helps!

Oh, no worries! Go right ahead. ^.^ Sorry if it took a while to get back to you- I’m only checking my messages once a day if even that bc school is rlly busy right now lmao. But yeah, feel free to tag your friend! C: I’m glad you guys like her.<3 She’s flattered lmao.

Pretty good, actually! A bit bruised up from a cataplexy episode today, but aside from that it was honestly a great day. UvU And besides, I only hit my hip more than anything this time.

I’m currently curled up with Peaches while drinking Grape-Apple Cider!

How are you?