justaprinceofthegalaxy:

The thing about anxiety and panic disorders is that you usually know exactly how irrational your fears and triggers are. Typically, you’re completely aware that many of the things you fear happening are simply impossible. Yet you’re still terrified out of your mind, unable to shake off that sinking feeling as the thought of it comes back again and again.

Three years later, and tbh it’s still relevant.

So, I’m going to an intensive in-patient treatment center.

When I first heard about it, I thought about the stereotypical mental hospital. However, as I’m going through the process of setting up my admission and it definitely seems a hell of a lot different (in a good way) than my first impressions.

Anyways, what I’m thinking is that I might keep a detailed journal describing what it’s really like. For a long time, I feared being locked up or admitted. That prevented me from reaching out to the full extent of what I was struggling with.

I wonder if a firsthand, in-the-moment log of my experience may help others who fear needing that level of help. What do you all think?

Well, it’s official. I will be offline from July 10th to August 5th because I’m being admitted to a partial-hospitalization program. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding needing to be hospitalized ((partially or fully)) due to mental illness. It brings thoughts of mental wards and people fucked up beyond repair. Because mine is partial, it just runs from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. then I stay in dorms at the facility like any other dorm. I guess a better term is in-patient, since the word “hospitalization” is the key word that there’s a stigma against.

I don’t know how I feel. To be clear, I am 100% going of my own volition. I’ve been struggling with all sorts of mental illnesses and issues since age 13. Over 7 years, no therapy or medication or both has only helped. At this point I just want to get better. I flunked out of college and moved back in with my parents, and I’ll only spiral down further if there’s no intervening. It’s just a lot to take in, and a lot to think about.

Me when someone even remotely starts to raise their voice at me:

Don’t forget to celebrate the small things.

To some people, it feels like you’re doing the bare minimum. However, if you’re doing things even when they extremely hard for you (in regards to taking care of yourself), you need to remember that you’re a fucking badass for doing it and you’re doing amazing.

Today, I ate before noon for the first time in weeks. My mom smiled and congratulated me, saying I did good. My girlfriend was proud of me and let me know it. It’s hard for me to love myself or affirm myself for doing these things I feel like I should be able to do easily, but those simple words of praise made a big difference.

There is not shame on relying on others for help.

I have trouble accepting this, and I probably always will to some degree.

It’s not easy. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but if it’s what helps you get better, then it’s worth it.

I already have trouble eating enough food, but the stress and depression from the past few days has made it so hard to eat. I feel hungry, but it feels way worse to eat anything. I ate half of the breakfast my girlfriend made for me and I forced down some popcorn just now, but that doesn’t really have much substance to it.

Hey, no offense, but can we stop making up childhood cartoon conspiracy theories? Let’s be real; they’ll all basically the same. That’s not the problem, though. What ticks me off is that almost all of them involve trying to prove a character as mentally ill. Now, I love to headcanon mentally ill characters, but in conspiracy theories, it’s usually thought up by an NT who knows nothing about mental health and thinks it’s okay to use mental health to creep other people out and ‘ruin’ their childhood. If you can’t make a decent theory or creepy story without throwing mental illnesses under the bus, you’re a shitty author.

Okay but it blows my mind that there are actually people that only feel anxiety sometimes???

suicidalbreakd0wn:

whenpainmeetsdeath:

I wish at school they would talk about depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and self harm. Not just bullying. Because sometime it’s not people that make us feel like shit, it’s ourselves.

YES SOMEONE FUCKING SAID IT, YES.

(Source: sundays-suicide)

I am a ball of distilled stress right now.

FU KC ME SIDEWAYS

I WAS BROWSING MY YOUTUBE FEED B/C IT’S BEEN A FEW DAYS SINCE I CHECKED IT OUT

AND

ONE OF THE ICONS FOR A VIDEO WAS THE PUPPET FROM FNAF

I AM FU CKING TERRIFIED OF IT LAST TIME I SAW ITS JUMP SCARE I HAD A FREAKING PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE MATPAT PUT ONE IN HIS VIDEO WITH NO WARNING AND I JUST

I HATE THAT FUCKING PUPPET I HATE IT SO DAMN MUCH IT FREAKS ME OUT TO HIGH HELL

I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT I HATE EVERYTHING OKAY I DON’T ACTUALLY HATE EVERYTHING BUT I’M REALLY UPSET AND AFRAID.

I need to get this off my chest so my I can stop obsessing and thinking about it- I had a nightmare tonight. It’s not too disturbing, but I’ll put in under a cut because it may be distressing to some.

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