PERSONA DANCING ALL OVER MY SOUL
"I generally just tumble around."
sixtynine-sixtynine asks:
I know right, I'm smoother than a fresh jar of skippy. //promptly trips over 9385348 wires and eats dirt

acceptmyshaft:

thewritegrump:

acceptmyshaft:

thewritegrump:

acceptmyshaft:

thewritegrump:

justaprinceofthegalaxy:

PFFFT I feel that.

//slides into the room// //gets wicked rugburn//

FU KC

Gosh those camps/schools are hell- they’re so unhealthy it’s just sickening. And a lot of times these kids are so young and impressionable- I was 11 when my mom sent me two states away for two months. We got to use computers once a week, and if we got more steps in we could earn extra computer time. We couldn’t have any electronics except iPod that couldn’t get internet. I just… looking back it took me a few years to realize how horrible it all was, and how they warped our way of thinking.

That sounds so similar to mine wow.. Was it a Wellspring camp perchance?? Because that’s eerily like the Wellspring school I went to for 10 months. We had one phonecall home a week that only lasted 10 minutes (we were timed), couldn’t use mp3 players if it had a screen, no phones or laptops or anything because it was all confiscated.. But we also couldn’t get within 5 feet of the opposite sex, had to journal everything we ate and would be punished with literal solitary confinement if we broke the rules once too many times. 

It was Wellspring!!! All three times!!! Oh my gosh I can’t believe you went there too!!! Man, I almost forgot they had boarding schools. Thank God I only went for two months, then one month, then two months. Sure, I lost weight, but in the unhealthiest way. 

And they taught such awful things- 20g of fat or less a day?! That’s so bad for you- plus, fat free foods compensate by loading them with sugar, so it’s better not to eat fat free foods…. I remember working out for over 8 hours a day- and during free time I went to the 5k club because I was so obsessed with losing weight, I ran and ran while others did crafts or things I wish I’d done.

It’s so validating to talk to someone else who went through that- though I’m sad you had to experience it too. :c

OH MY GOD ANOTHER WELLSPRINGER I NEVER IMAGINED ????///

Yeah I went for 10 months and almost went back for my senior year and it was utterly unbearable??? I met my best friend there but only because like.. that terrible shit will bring people together you know?

And it was so unrealistic. YEAH 20G OF FAT A DAY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A SINGLE MEAL IN TYPICAL AMERICA HAS? AT LEAST THAT. You can’t just shop around for the shit you need to make that happen, even if it WAS truly the “best” diet. no, nonononono. Impossible. And we had 3 PE sessions a day on top of normal schooling so ???? yeah literally impossible in real life

and yeah sugar turns into fat so it literally did nothing for us

and if I ever even HEAR the words “peanut wonder” again I might just vomit relentlessly that stuff was so nasty ughjkdsjklkd

but yes wellspring 1000% promoted eating disorder behavior and unrealistic views of the world and it has permanently damaged so many of the people I went there with. zero out of fucking ten do not recommend

BUT what’s funny is that literally a year after I went, my best friend who was forced to go back reported THEY SHUT DOWN OUR SCHOOL like it’s literally not there anymore. Maybe word’s getting out about how terrible it is.

Holy shit- hopefully people are seeing how toxic those camps and schools are. They literally endorsing eating as little as possible and exercising as much as possible. There were a couple days where I ate 100 calorie and no fat. 100. Fucking. Calories. Not to mention how they made us write down everything we ate along with the calories and fat content??? They trained us to count every calorie, regret every gram of fat, and strive for the impossible. 

I was only eleven- when my parents saw me they applauded my success. It made them happy, so eleven year old me thought I was doing something good. Wellspring didn’t promote a healthy diet- it promoted obsessive behavior, training us to feel shame for eating.

They insisted we were “taking control of our health”. That obsession with control is what drives most eating disorders. I was afraid to eat after that. I skipped lunch. I felt like the biggest failure every time I caved and ate pizza and other junk food.

That camp was utterly toxic.

Seriously, FUCK Wellspring. You’re exactly right on so many levels. I was, luckily, a little older but it’s still taken years to break free of those destructive behaviors and just enjoy food and myself again. I was 15-16 and I had great friends there who also saw through the shit it was and helped me after we all came home, but the fact such a place exists  is really terrifying. When I got home I actually had to go to an eating disorder clinic because I backlashed from those habits so hard I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder. I literally could not get enough of food because I had had so little in that stupid school. And then after that I still gained all my weight back and then some :)) and I’ve had to have weight loss surgery to make up for “lost profit”, as my parents call it.

!!! I’ve had weight loss surgery too !!! I got a gastric sleeve in December because if I didn’t drop the weight I was almost guaranteed to develop Diabetes within a year or two, since it runs in the family.

Seriously, those camps introduced me to disordered eating behaviors- I tried all sorts of bad habits at first- then nine months after the first camp my trauma happened and my ED really took hold since I remembered how good it felt to be in control of my body. I’m currently in remission for bulimia, though I do relapse here and there. I didn’t get diagnosed for so long because I didn’t look like I had bulimia- people assume that if you’re fat you can’t possibly have an ED.

Plus, since those “diets” aren’t realistic, you just gain the weight right back like you said! And every time you gain weight back, it’s harder to lose it the next time. My mom started putting me on diets when I was eight, so by the time I was sixteen it was IMPOSSIBLE to lose weight. I worked out five times a week for an entire summer and worked out regularly. I lost two pounds. FUCK Wellspring and it’s dangerous camps.

Personal Talk

TW for pills, self-harm, depression, eating disorders… all that good stuff. I just needed to get some personal stuff off my chest before I go back to studying. I’ll put a “read more” just in case, and all tw will be in the tags so check there before reading if you’re worried. This is also going to be really long since I’m ultimately talking about literally everything going on atm. If you actually read this thing, like the post or something just cause I’m curious. XD

Keep reading

My mom didn’t get mad at me for having to come doen here for my appointment. OuO Thankfully she’s a morning person.

This is unrelated but she’s gotten a lot better with my anxiety and depression and stuff. It makes me happy that she’s honestly trying to help. She even catches herself when she starts to comment on what I’m eating because she knows I’m recovering from bulimia. I just am do happy that I’m finally getting closer to an okay relationship with my mom because all my life we never got along and I held a lot of resentment towards her but we’re both learning and trying to make up for list time and I’m just so happy because I love my parents and I want to have a good relationship with them.

Sorry for all the rambling this morning I just am having a weirdly emotional day I suppose.

Just got back from the surgery center. Had an upper endosocopy this morning to make sure my insides are okay after being bulimic for so long as well as taking an unhealthy amount of painkillers

Good news is that there wasn’t any extreme damage, thank God.

Bad news is that I’m on yet a nother medication for the next 8 weeks because they found a lot of inflammation along my esophagus and small intestine, as well as some internal bleeding and erosion in the stomach. They took a tissue sample from the eroded areas so I’m waiting to get the results of that back from pathology.

Right now I’m super tired because of the sedatives they had me on, and my hand is kind of numb from the IV they had stuck in me for like an hour. Throat hurts, but that’s to be expected from the huge tube they had to cram down my throat.

Pro Tip: Treat your body well because you need this thing to last you a lifetime. I got lucky in that my esophagus didn’t suffer permanent scarring like it does for many people recovering from bulimia. Of course there is still damage, but it’s treatable and in a couple months my esophagus and stomach should be good as new.

So yeah. Take good care of your bod. It’ll thank you with a life of much less physical pain and health bills.