I know that for some people it’s really hard, but please make sure you’re eating enough food to nourish your body. Your body works really fucking hard and it deserves to be taken care of. Even if all you’re able to get down is a few bites or a light snack, it’s still something and I’m proud of you.
| Oct 2, 2018 — 7 notes — Tags |
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I wish they talked about eating disorders in high school and middle school health classes. I don’t know if I would have listened to it, but I still never knew the repercussions of what it would do to my body. Maybe it could dissuade even one person from turning against their bodies, and that would make it worth it.
| Jun 22, 2017 — 10 notes — Tags |
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For the 5000th time: thinspo and pro-ED blogs, do not follow me
I mean, ideally thinspo and pro-ED blogs should get the hell off this site.
I struggled with various types of disordered eating around age 10. Bulimia became something I turned to from about age 13 to age 17. I thought that I could get away with it if I was careful; I’d read the health risks and it was scary, but I still did it. I was desperate, and it made me feel like I was in control.
Lately, I can’t stop thinking about my past self- the me that thought “being careful” would be enough. I thought I was doing it the “smart way”, as if there was anything smart about an eating disorder.
I am now 20 years old. This post is for anyone who has thought about turning to an ED, or who has struggled with it, or who is still struggling with it. This post is also for me; perhaps if I get this all out there, I can have a bit of peace of mind.
Although I am in recovery, the damage has already been done. For four years, on and off, I had abused my own body. For the rest of my life, I will experience consequences of those four years.
I was not even aware of the internal damage until I got an upper endoscopy in my senior year of high school. The doctors found several stomach ulcers and tissue damage/scarring along the esophagus.
The damage to my esophagus has resulted in severe GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease). Around age 17 I started experiencing periodic episodes where I would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to breathe, gasping for air, and feeling a burning sensation in my throat. These episodes happen every now and again (only once every month or two if I’m careful), and are the result of my esophageal sphincter loosening being unable to properly close off (causing stomach acid to leak up into my throat when I’m laying down).
OTC (over-the-counter) medications are the best I can do to mitigate the GERD and accompanying heartburn, and it’s something I have to stay mindful of and go out of my way to treat.
I recently found out the true extent of the second problem caused by bulimia; a majority of my teeth are damaged beyond repair. The enamel is heavily eroded and there are deep cavities. I will be having many of my teeth pulled over the next few months and receiving dentures. I don’t yet know how many teeth I will be able to keep, but most of the back teeth in particular are damaged in such a way that it would cost upwards of $30,000 to repair them- money I do not have. Dentures, while still costing a decent amount, are what I can afford. The first two teeth were pulled two days ago, and some of the jaw bone was removed as well due to the severity of the infection.
Please- if you’re struggling with ANY eating disorder, get help. I know you can’t “just stop”. It’s never that easy. However, if you reach out and find resources to help get you on the road to recovery, it may not be too late for your health. Eating disorders can cause damage to every part of the body. This isn’t some scare-tactic, either. This is the reality of what happens.
//Please reblog this if you are comfortable doing so; be sure to tag “#bulimia” and “#eating disorders” for your followers, though.//
| Feb 10, 2017 — 6 notes — Tags |
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I just wanted everyone to see how scary having an eating disorder is, especially coming from someone who struggled with it for several years.
oh shit
Crap…
This is powerful
Be it self-harm, an eating disorder, alcohol, or any other form of relapse- it happens. Recovery is not this straight line up towards progress. It’s a twisty-turvy trail full of roundabouts, hills, valleys… relapses happen, and it doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made. All the things you accomplished are still just as incredible and wonderful, and you’re still on your way to recovery. Forgive yourself, and tomorrow you can look forward and try again.
Stay strong
Thank you. <3 I’ll just try and graze all night to at least get a bit more food in me for the day. I should be back to normal tomorrow, it just was unexpected and shook me up; I was busy all day so I didn’t have time to decompress and sort it out, so I just let it take me back to that state of mind for the day. ^^:;;;
| Oct 19, 2015 — 0 notes — Tags |
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Thank you so much! And three years? That’s incredible! I admire your strength- I take it just one day at a time and I’m hoping I’ll get to more and more milestones in my recovery. I try not to sweat the relapses; they happen but they don’t invalidate my progress. Recovery is so hard, especially when you’re fighting off multiple things. It’s been exactly a month since I last self-harmed, and a little over a month since I last drank. I’m bummed I relapsed on some things, but that just means it’s time to set a new personal best, right? The hardest part was learning not to give up every time I had a relapse. I figured once I fell off the wagon that was it and I should just give up. It took some work, but now I know that recovery isn’t a straight path. It’s got bumps and twists and roundabouts; though the road still leads me to my destination.
| Sep 1, 2015 — 0 notes — Tags |
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Fun Fact: Although I’ve had a handful of relapses, September does mark it being one year since I made the decision to choose recovery over my eating disorder. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
If you struggle with an eating disorder, please never hesitate to talk to me. I want to help you any way I can. I let mine go on for far too long, and now I have lifelong consequences. Part of my back teeth have eroded and yellowed, and I have GERD from all the damage to my esophagus due to bulimia. It takes a toll on you in ways that may last the rest of your life. So please, if you struggle with an ED, you can come to me. You can talk to me.
| Sep 1, 2015 — 11 notes — Tags |
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PFFFT I feel that.
//slides into the room// //gets wicked rugburn//
FU KC
Duuude!!! Where the hell have you been this is incredible!!!
And lmao I know that feel! Nowadays when I go to Olive Garden with my best friend I don’t order an entree– either just salad or a dessert, and then Matt gives me few bites of their dish and it works well. C:
TBPH I love the sleeve- the only drawback is that it’s hard to get enough nutrients! I am taking vitamins now but it’s very difficult to eat enough protein. XD And I’m so sick of protein shakes after drinking them pre-op and post-op!!! Luckily the pinto beans at work are easy to eat and high in protein. C: I freakin’ love pinto beans with cheese and a bit of rice like damn that’s what I’m about.
Oh my gosh I can only imagine what it was like behind the scenes! They always warp the truth on reality shows- they twist it and edit it to show only what they want the audience to see.
I remember my mom making me watch a few episodes of Too Fat for Fifteen… gosh, I seriously don’t know how you survived ten months there!!! I would have lost it.
PFFFT I feel that.
//slides into the room// //gets wicked rugburn//
FU KC
Gosh those camps/schools are hell- they’re so unhealthy it’s just sickening. And a lot of times these kids are so young and impressionable- I was 11 when my mom sent me two states away for two months. We got to use computers once a week, and if we got more steps in we could earn extra computer time. We couldn’t have any electronics except iPod that couldn’t get internet. I just… looking back it took me a few years to realize how horrible it all was, and how they warped our way of thinking.
That sounds so similar to mine wow.. Was it a Wellspring camp perchance?? Because that’s eerily like the Wellspring school I went to for 10 months. We had one phonecall home a week that only lasted 10 minutes (we were timed), couldn’t use mp3 players if it had a screen, no phones or laptops or anything because it was all confiscated.. But we also couldn’t get within 5 feet of the opposite sex, had to journal everything we ate and would be punished with literal solitary confinement if we broke the rules once too many times.
It was Wellspring!!! All three times!!! Oh my gosh I can’t believe you went there too!!! Man, I almost forgot they had boarding schools. Thank God I only went for two months, then one month, then two months. Sure, I lost weight, but in the unhealthiest way.
And they taught such awful things- 20g of fat or less a day?! That’s so bad for you- plus, fat free foods compensate by loading them with sugar, so it’s better not to eat fat free foods…. I remember working out for over 8 hours a day- and during free time I went to the 5k club because I was so obsessed with losing weight, I ran and ran while others did crafts or things I wish I’d done.
It’s so validating to talk to someone else who went through that- though I’m sad you had to experience it too. :c
OH MY GOD ANOTHER WELLSPRINGER I NEVER IMAGINED ????///
Yeah I went for 10 months and almost went back for my senior year and it was utterly unbearable??? I met my best friend there but only because like.. that terrible shit will bring people together you know?
And it was so unrealistic. YEAH 20G OF FAT A DAY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A SINGLE MEAL IN TYPICAL AMERICA HAS? AT LEAST THAT. You can’t just shop around for the shit you need to make that happen, even if it WAS truly the “best” diet. no, nonononono. Impossible. And we had 3 PE sessions a day on top of normal schooling so ???? yeah literally impossible in real life
and yeah sugar turns into fat so it literally did nothing for us
and if I ever even HEAR the words “peanut wonder” again I might just vomit relentlessly that stuff was so nasty ughjkdsjklkd
but yes wellspring 1000% promoted eating disorder behavior and unrealistic views of the world and it has permanently damaged so many of the people I went there with. zero out of fucking ten do not recommend
BUT what’s funny is that literally a year after I went, my best friend who was forced to go back reported THEY SHUT DOWN OUR SCHOOL like it’s literally not there anymore. Maybe word’s getting out about how terrible it is.
Holy shit- hopefully people are seeing how toxic those camps and schools are. They literally endorsing eating as little as possible and exercising as much as possible. There were a couple days where I ate 100 calorie and no fat. 100. Fucking. Calories. Not to mention how they made us write down everything we ate along with the calories and fat content??? They trained us to count every calorie, regret every gram of fat, and strive for the impossible.
I was only eleven- when my parents saw me they applauded my success. It made them happy, so eleven year old me thought I was doing something good. Wellspring didn’t promote a healthy diet- it promoted obsessive behavior, training us to feel shame for eating.
They insisted we were “taking control of our health”. That obsession with control is what drives most eating disorders. I was afraid to eat after that. I skipped lunch. I felt like the biggest failure every time I caved and ate pizza and other junk food.
That camp was utterly toxic.
Seriously, FUCK Wellspring. You’re exactly right on so many levels. I was, luckily, a little older but it’s still taken years to break free of those destructive behaviors and just enjoy food and myself again. I was 15-16 and I had great friends there who also saw through the shit it was and helped me after we all came home, but the fact such a place exists is really terrifying. When I got home I actually had to go to an eating disorder clinic because I backlashed from those habits so hard I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder. I literally could not get enough of food because I had had so little in that stupid school. And then after that I still gained all my weight back and then some :)) and I’ve had to have weight loss surgery to make up for “lost profit”, as my parents call it.
!!! I’ve had weight loss surgery too !!! I got a gastric sleeve in December because if I didn’t drop the weight I was almost guaranteed to develop Diabetes within a year or two, since it runs in the family.
Seriously, those camps introduced me to disordered eating behaviors- I tried all sorts of bad habits at first- then nine months after the first camp my trauma happened and my ED really took hold since I remembered how good it felt to be in control of my body. I’m currently in remission for bulimia, though I do relapse here and there. I didn’t get diagnosed for so long because I didn’t look like I had bulimia- people assume that if you’re fat you can’t possibly have an ED.
Plus, since those “diets” aren’t realistic, you just gain the weight right back like you said! And every time you gain weight back, it’s harder to lose it the next time. My mom started putting me on diets when I was eight, so by the time I was sixteen it was IMPOSSIBLE to lose weight. I worked out five times a week for an entire summer and worked out regularly. I lost two pounds. FUCK Wellspring and it’s dangerous camps.
PFFFT I feel that.
//slides into the room// //gets wicked rugburn//
FU KC
Gosh those camps/schools are hell- they’re so unhealthy it’s just sickening. And a lot of times these kids are so young and impressionable- I was 11 when my mom sent me two states away for two months. We got to use computers once a week, and if we got more steps in we could earn extra computer time. We couldn’t have any electronics except iPod that couldn’t get internet. I just… looking back it took me a few years to realize how horrible it all was, and how they warped our way of thinking.
That sounds so similar to mine wow.. Was it a Wellspring camp perchance?? Because that’s eerily like the Wellspring school I went to for 10 months. We had one phonecall home a week that only lasted 10 minutes (we were timed), couldn’t use mp3 players if it had a screen, no phones or laptops or anything because it was all confiscated.. But we also couldn’t get within 5 feet of the opposite sex, had to journal everything we ate and would be punished with literal solitary confinement if we broke the rules once too many times.
It was Wellspring!!! All three times!!! Oh my gosh I can’t believe you went there too!!! Man, I almost forgot they had boarding schools. Thank God I only went for two months, then one month, then two months. Sure, I lost weight, but in the unhealthiest way.
And they taught such awful things- 20g of fat or less a day?! That’s so bad for you- plus, fat free foods compensate by loading them with sugar, so it’s better not to eat fat free foods…. I remember working out for over 8 hours a day- and during free time I went to the 5k club because I was so obsessed with losing weight, I ran and ran while others did crafts or things I wish I’d done.
It’s so validating to talk to someone else who went through that- though I’m sad you had to experience it too. :c
OH MY GOD ANOTHER WELLSPRINGER I NEVER IMAGINED ????///
Yeah I went for 10 months and almost went back for my senior year and it was utterly unbearable??? I met my best friend there but only because like.. that terrible shit will bring people together you know?
And it was so unrealistic. YEAH 20G OF FAT A DAY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A SINGLE MEAL IN TYPICAL AMERICA HAS? AT LEAST THAT. You can’t just shop around for the shit you need to make that happen, even if it WAS truly the “best” diet. no, nonononono. Impossible. And we had 3 PE sessions a day on top of normal schooling so ???? yeah literally impossible in real life
and yeah sugar turns into fat so it literally did nothing for us
and if I ever even HEAR the words “peanut wonder” again I might just vomit relentlessly that stuff was so nasty ughjkdsjklkd
but yes wellspring 1000% promoted eating disorder behavior and unrealistic views of the world and it has permanently damaged so many of the people I went there with. zero out of fucking ten do not recommend
BUT what’s funny is that literally a year after I went, my best friend who was forced to go back reported THEY SHUT DOWN OUR SCHOOL like it’s literally not there anymore. Maybe word’s getting out about how terrible it is.
Holy shit- hopefully people are seeing how toxic those camps and schools are. They literally endorsing eating as little as possible and exercising as much as possible. There were a couple days where I ate 100 calorie and no fat. 100. Fucking. Calories. Not to mention how they made us write down everything we ate along with the calories and fat content??? They trained us to count every calorie, regret every gram of fat, and strive for the impossible.
I was only eleven- when my parents saw me they applauded my success. It made them happy, so eleven year old me thought I was doing something good. Wellspring didn’t promote a healthy diet- it promoted obsessive behavior, training us to feel shame for eating.
They insisted we were “taking control of our health”. That obsession with control is what drives most eating disorders. I was afraid to eat after that. I skipped lunch. I felt like the biggest failure every time I caved and ate pizza and other junk food.
That camp was utterly toxic.
Yesterday I was weighing myself ((I need to chill but I’ve gotten back in the habit of compulsively weighing- which is fine but I’v been weighing every day which is not fine)) and my mom peered over to see what my weight was. She smiled and looked at me.
“Now, be careful. Don’t become anorexic! //laughs//”
Why would she even joke about that? Seriously- she knows I’m in remission from an eating disorder. Why the hell would she say that and laugh?
Later that day I told her how I wore yoga pants for the first time since junior high, because I finally had the self-confidence to do it.
“See? Now you can wear them! You look so good!”
“Mom, I could’ve worn them before, I just didn’t have the confidence to do it.”
“I guess, but now you look good in them! I mean, fat people wear yoga pants and that’s fine, but they just look better on skinny people.”
Please stop, mom.
| Aug 29, 2015 — 9 notes — Tags |
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……
what the fuck
holy shit ima clock this bitch
“i tried to go anorexic” I will never listen to this ignorant bitches awful music because of this shit
coming from someone with an eating disorder, this is just offensive ignorant bullshit
“i wasn’t strong enough” no you just don’t know what actually constitutes an eating disorder and you were lucky as fuck not to have to know
“that’s not even anorexic” you don’t even know what anorexia is in the first place - restriction is not complete abstinence.
what she did was consider a diet for three hours. three hours is roughly the amount of time human bodies take to consume and utilize the caloric content of their meals. when the body’s processed that, our body gives us the cue of hunger, which alerts us to the need to consume more calories.
she considered a diet, she objectified and dehumanized actual people suffering from and struggling with eating disorders, and she had a snack, and there’s an entire article about how “shocking” it is that a young woman, in a culture that objectifies women and their bodies like the survival of civilization rests upon that, considered changing her body to meet a constructed image.
you know what’s shocking?
Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.
25% of college-aged women engage in bingeing and purging as a weight-management technique.
Only 1 in 10 men and women with eating disorders receive treatment.
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25.
86% report onset of eating disorder by age 20; 43% report onset between ages of 16 and 20.
20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.
The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.
The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.
The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate associated with all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.
Us sufferers are DYING and there are people out there treating anorexia like it’s just another diet.
When will people understand that eating disorders are not something to be taken lightly, thrown around, and appropriated?
megan’s SHOCKING CONFESSION: I’m a literal piece of shit
(Source: pettyqueer)