The Moemon FireRed Nuzlocke is alright. IDK if I’ll update every time but I’ll at least the Pokemon lists update. OuO I’m level grinding a new addition to the team before fighting Misty. =u=

Moemon FireRed: Part 5 “These Levels Are Too Damn High”

Annnnnd we’re back. Shit, I did more grinding than your average Miley Cyrus escapade. 

This was the before shot of my sad sacks; now let’s look at the stunning after shot. Oh, shit. I didn’t take one. Well, I got them all to about level eighteen. Footage not available.

I trained up DUCREUX the Bagon- a charming and dapper edition of the team that doesn’t totally suck Pokeballs.

After a riveting grinding session, I discovered a mysterious object on the table. It turned out to be a newpaper. I couldn’t read it. I guess that’s what I get for being a Pokemon trainer and not going to school. Fuck it, moving onto the next area- Mt. Moon.

Oh, wow! What a cool find! I better be careful not to know it ou-

It’s still a party of three up in here. At least the team is actually pretty efficient now. CARAMELL learned Slam, and now it can actually OHKO most things thanks to the HUGE POWER ability.

Oh look, it’s me!

Oh, it’s not me after all.

Honestly it doesn’t matter which one I pick since I already lost my encounter for this dungeon. Whatever, I’ll take the Helix fossil and never revive it. Cool. I’m carrying dead Pokemon remains for the rest of my journey.

We got through Mt. Moon easily- did I over-level them? I was trying to be careful after the Pewter City Massacre. Whatever. Better safe than sorry, dude.

The fuck do you want???

We’ll see about that.

Guess whose ass I just kicked?

Nugget Bridge was a breeze- I really think I over-leveled… well, that and Bagon is a beast- or rather, DUCREUX is a beast.

Why wouldn’t it let me join Team Rocket? Let me bad for once! Why even ask if I can’t choose yes? I’m no hero, I got other shit to do.

Well that was fun. Now I’ll catch my ‘mon for this route, maybe go see Bill and maybe battle Misty. Neat-O.

Moemon FireRed: Part 4 “My Least Favorite Kind Of Grinding”

Well, we lost JOHN CENA and BIRB last time, so we have to roll with the remaining two, FRIDAY the Tailow and CARAMELL the Azurill. I spent a good amount of time whipping these suckers into shape- they’re my only two other Pokemon, so if they fuck up then it’s game over for GRUMP. 

FRIDAY was easy enough to train, but as it turns out, CARAMELL is more annoying than the damn song they got their name from.

Do you see this shit? CARAMELL was eleven levels higher, and used a super effective move. It STILL couldn’t knock out a fucking Diglett. This thing is weaker than a white person’s taste buds. I’m terrified to send it into battle because it’ll get bitch slapped into oblivion the second it steps out.

In other news, during the many trips to the Pokemon center I made, I talked to some of the visitors. This asshole was such a dick about it I wanted to crane kick that phone right out of his clammy hands. Seriously, a simple “excuse me, I’m on the phone” would have sufficed, but he had to be an absolute prick about it.

Well at least you’re friendlier than the prickly phone guy, I guess.

Oh, shove off. I’ve changed my mind about you.

Dear Lord, no. I don’t want to give you any information that could let you find me again. I’m donion rings with these commoners. Back to level grinding.

After the hell of CARAMELL, I want to strangle the damn thing with his own tail. Whatever,let’s just take on Dwayne “The Brock” Johnson again.

Yeah, CARAMELL is frail as paper, but it turns out this Duskull doesn’t know any attacking moves except ghost type ones. So CARAMELL should be able to do this since it can’t get hurt. I mean, he did, but at what cost? It took about twenty turns because Duskull had Disable and would shut off my only attacking move, Bubble, every few turns. This is bullshit. I don’t know who makes me angrier, Duskull or CARAMELL.

FRIDAY took out the sinister Nidorina with no problem whatsoever. Unlike someone else on the team, she’s competent and carried the rest of the team through the battle like a bro.

Cool beans; I got the TM for Rock Tomb. That’s pretty neat. On to the next route! I need more Pokemon to fill out my team.

Now I can run? Why couldn’t I run before? Was I wearing high heels? Wooden clogs? I can only assume that is the case, in which case why didn’t I take off my shoes? I know wooden clogs are all the rage in Kanto, but at what cost?

After fighting some scrublords, it’s time to find my Route 3 catch. I’m having CARAMELL deal with it since FRIDAY is too strong.

HOLY SHIT! Now this is what I’m talking about- I want him. He’s mine. DON’T FUCK THIS UP, CARAMELL.

Once in the red zone, I switched to FRIDAY so she could take a few hits while I chucked balls. After just one ball, Bagon was caught. Now’s the fun part- naming. I think I’ll keep the name a secret until the next part. Becuase why the hell not?

I’m back in Pewter City, because it’s time for me to do some more grinding, and not even the fun kind. Bagon needs to get up to speed, and once he’s ready to hold is own, I’ll reveal his name and towards Mt. Moon.

Let’s hope I don’t throw CARAMELL off Mt. Moon by the end of the dungeon.

I’m done for the night- level grinding is so hard b/c Azurill doesn’t learn any attack moves until level ten. o-o I want both FRIDAY and CARAMELL at level 16 before I take on the gym just to be safe. FRIDAY is level 16 right now, and CARAMELL is level 9. 

Tomorrow I’m gonna kick Brock’s ass. He’s on my shit list now.

Click Here to See all Parts and Current Status

I’m going to level grind FRIDAY and CARAMELL to level 16- that should be enough. If I lose the Nuzlocke before beating the third gym, I’ll restart with a new file and start again. If I lose after the third or fourth gym, I’ll admit defeat and finish the game with my favorite of the deceased ‘mons.

Moemon FireRed: Part 3 “Welcome to Meme Hell”

Okay so now it’s time to conquer Viridian forest with my meme team. Let’s do this shit.

Where are your friends? Did they ditch you? Buddy, I’m pretty sure they ditched you. It’s probably the hat. See my hat? I don’t wear it backwards, like a dick. Get good.

My catch for Viridian Forest. Not too shabby- it’ll be hard to raise because it doesn’t know any attacking moves yet but it’ll do. Also it’s really cute; I can’t deny that. His name is CARAMELL, by the way. 

Whoa, dude. What the fuck? You can’t just force yourself on people. Learn some damn manners; I don’t want to fight you if you’re going to be an ass- why don’t I have a choice in this?!

You challenge me to a fight and bring this shit out? For real? And why is your Weedle wearing a Seifuku? This ain’t no anime this is Moemon and we play for keeps here. 

Damn right you did, you candy-ass bug-chasing fucker. JOHN CENA won’t take your shit.

What’s a fish doing in the gosh darn forest? And I don’t like to body shame or anything but I’m pretty sure you’re too young to be wearing a swimsuit that tight. You do you, I guess.

I put away the extras, just so they know their place. They’ll get their time to shine, probably.

Do you believe everything you hear? I bet you still believe you were brought to mommy and daddy by a stork. Or I guess in the Pokemon world it’d be Delibird? Hell if I know.

Nah, I’m good.

I whipped this chump- he was the only trainer standing between me and Brock. I guess I could have walked around him but whatever.

Okay I know this is already a post on the internet but I have to comment. I don’t know who did the translation but I’ll bet anything they were snickering like a middle school boy all the while.

This thing went down without a fight. I swtiched to BIRB and he got the job done.

Whoa, that thing looks a bit strong for this early. Maybe I should have level grinded?

BIRB NO

FU KC

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit-

FUCKING DAMMIT

I sent them to the dead box, fittingly named… MEME HELL.

Looks like FRIDAY and CARAMELL are going to have to step up to the challenge. I won’t call it quits until I run out of usable Pokemon.

RIP, JOHN CENA and BIRB. You’ll live on in my heart for at least an hour.

Moemon FireRed: Part 2 “The Man Needs His Damn Coffee”

Okay, take two for this since my Heracross lost to the mighty Donphan. I’m back for reals this time.

I’m using all caps this time because I’m SERIOUS and ready to fight. 

Thanks to slytherinbunny for the ‘mon choice and name! The theme is now memes. New attempt, new theme. The other two choices were Torchic or Caterpie. Caterpie is a hot mess and Torchic is a legit starter so Machop is my bro now.

My bro, JOHN CENA, tenderized him with a low-kick to the face. Take that to KFC and sell it in a $5 fill-up. JOHN CENA does not fuck around. He’s hardcore. I like him.

The first wild battle, but it didn’t count because I didn’t have Pokeballs yet and couldn’t catch it. Thank God, because I don’t want a flimsy-ass Wynaut clogging my team with that Destiny Bond tomfoolery. 

Should I… should I call 911? That woman doesn’t seem too concerned- she probably committed the crime. Also, looks like Ix is on Skype. Thanks for the cameo, bruh.

Pokemon: Mailman Simulator.

Daisy knows what’s up- calling out Oak for what he really is. I like her; she’s my new favorite.

That’s all you have to say? I am leaving on a cross-country journey. I might not come back. “Take care now!” That’s cold, mom. You show more concern for my Pokemon than me. I see how it is.

My first real battle! I got my balls and I’m ready to go- another fighting type? Not too bad. I need to catch it anyways so-

JOHN CENA killed the damn thing. He really needs to control his temper or he is no longer considered my bro. Looks like no catch for route 1. Dammit, JOHN CENA.

So? I could just sneak by it? I could climb it? I could literally do anything- and that’s not a tree. It’s barely taller than me. It might be shorter than me. That’s a dinky little shrub. I could kick it over, probably. This is just nonsense.

Moved on to route 22; I’m skipping the optional rival battle b/c I don’t want to die. I did catch a Spearow, though. Another member of the meme team.

Welcome to the team. Why so serious? BIRB seems like a stoic young fellow. He’ll warm up to me; if he doesn’t he’ll have the same fate as Torchic. Watch the attitude, BIRB.

You blocked a road, laying there, motionless, because you were tired?

….yeah, I feel that. Headcanon: the Old Man has narcolepsy.

Just this once I’ll let it slide, Old Man.

Never mind, he’s on my hit list again. Why does he think I can’t catch a Pokemon? I just caught BIRB? Give the man more coffee because he’s still in a brain fog. They’ll probably give me the option to skip the tutor-

For fuck’s sake. I’m out of here- time for the next route. Show me what you got in store this time!

Another bird? Eh, whatever. It’ll be useful in the forest, I guess, but it’s not like I can use it against Brock. Wait, are Brock’s Pokemon randomized, too? Shit. I guess I’ll find out. 

She looks like a songbird, so FRIDAY it is. Gotta get down on Friday.

And just in case you’re wondering, that’s not an innuendo. 

Well, I guess I’ll try out my meme team in the Viridian Forest. The birds should be fine, but JOHN CENA needs some levels in case Brock is still a Rock-Hard leader.

Guess what Pokemon I caught! Hint: Their name is BIRB.

JOHN CENA is too strong… he got a crit hit and killed my catch for the first route. It was a Makuhita. ;n;

Machop or Torchic as my starter?!

The third was Caterpie and screw that. O.o

I think I have to completely make a new Moemon file- I started the same one again and it was the same Pokemon. Gotta copypasta and reconfigure the file and then I’ll get this show on the road! c:

MoeMon FireRed: Part 1 “A False Start”

It’s time to boot this up and start my journey. I’m a seasoned Pokemon player, I got this. Never done a Nuzlocke, but a Nuzlocke’s never done me so we’re evenly matched.

That…. that’s not a Pokemon. I won’t make any tasteless jokes, but that is not a Pokemon. She is a hella adorable Dragonite cosplayer though. Also, why the fuck does Oak look so smug? He thinks he’s hot shit because he’s a professor- where did he graduate from? I’ve never seen a university in any Pokemon games. I’ve seen Trainer’s school but even toddlers can graduate from that shit. Are you even a professor, Oak?

True to my nature, I take on a new name for this journey. I don’t know why my mother would name me Grump, but at least I got a cool hat!

What a poser. He does not pull off those purple pants. And is that a fanny pack? Is he really giving me that condescending look while wearing a damn fanny pack? 

Some people believe everything they see on TV…

Now that I have my mother’s blessing I can ditch this town- is this even a town? There’s like four houses- wait I think there’s three houses and a lab. Where’s the town hall? The police station? Oh well, this is Pokemon, not Skyrim. I can’t expect them to make a super detailed world with all them GBA graphics.

When did you get there- great he wants to take me to his lab. That’s cool, I guess. I’m down to clown. 

I am ten years old- I have not even graduated elementary school and you are giving me a creature that could literally decimate me if it so chose to? Is this world just a system of anarchy?

Option number one- looks promising. I don’t normally use bug types, but okay.

Oh hell no. HELL to the NO.

Oh shit damn that’s one badass looking elephant mammoth thing! Though it’s kind weird that the mammoth face is on the back of the person face? If I didn’t have a naming theme, I’d name is Quirrel.

Torn between Heracross and Donphan, the lovely evil-alduin helped me decide. The naming theme is countries, so I may as well start with my homeland.

This is the last you’ll see of poor Amercia the Heracross. Donphan had Horn Attack- all America had was a Tackle. They didn’t stand a ghost of a chance. RIP America. 

Looks like I’ll have to reset and try again!

I’m naming everything in all caps now so the game knows I’m serious. Trainer GRUMP is about to start his journey… for real this time. o-o;;;