Alternative Fact of the Day

alternativefactoftheday:

Watching Food Network makes you hungry because seeing the hosts reminds you of your unquenchable thirst for human flesh.

School got cancelled because of snow, so now I’m making a flan.

memeufacturing:

i go to the apple store i say….Gimme a “big mac ”…and large fries!!! everyone laughs!!!. The hottest babe there kisses me. And everyone is clapping..!

TBH being an adult is just me eating all the junk food my mom wouldn’t buy me when I was a kid.

When I think about having 1,400+ followers, I always imagine I’m sitting in an auditorium, giving a PowerPoint presentation of random gifs and posts for no reason, while occasionally giving irrelevant life commentary. Some people, inactive users, are sleeping in the back, but for some reason there are many who are actually listening to this ceaseless shitpost. Also I’m probably slumped in a recliner while I give my presentation, wearing pajamas and eating a bowl of cereal.

gaelissfelin:

ghostkid:

if it weren’t illegal i would eat cereal for every meal of the day

i have some wonderful news for you

Coping Methods Include: Oatmeal and Copious Amounts of Hydroxyzine

PEACHES ATE MY BAKED POTATO

Current state of being: I took a nap for like an hour. Peaches slept next to me and now she’s just chilling with me since I woke her up when I got up. I took a second dose of Tylenol Cold & Flu because I don’t think my body wants the caffeine of my regular painkillers, and I’m both nauseous and having an extreme migraine. I’m mostly using the tumbles on my phone since I have a blue light filter installed to protect my eyes. I can turn down the brightness of my laptop, but sitting certain ways makes me more nauseous.

I’m finishing off a bowl of oatmeal, but I just had to dump out the last 1/3 of the awesome milk tea I was drinking. While I was napping, a dairy, slimy film formed over it, which I unknowingly slurped up. No amount of oatmeal and 7Up can repair what has been done. I had to change my shirt because I frantically spat it out, all over myself.

I’m wondering when the person whose car I scratched will see the note on their car. I’m terrified they’ll be aggressive- I’m absolutely terrified out of my mind that it will be an amab man. If it is I don’t know how I’ll be able to talk it out with them. I apologized profusely in the note and insisted I would pay all the costs to fix the scratch, but my worst fear is dealing with irate/angry amab men.

I’m finally home- got a pounding headache but I’m going to curl up on the couch and drink some hot cider. I have breadsticks leftover from Olive Garden which I will much on while watching Grumpcade.

The power in my apartment went off yesterday and didn’t come back until 6am today, so Milo let me stay the night at eir apartment. A stressful thing happened with one of eir roommates- ultimately he ended up packing his things and going to Portland. I won’t say much bc it’s not my place to talk about it but they’ve been trying to get him to move out sooner anyways, and now he’s leaving a month earlier than planned. Nothing really awful happened, he was just angry and I get pulled into flashbacks when faced with an angry cis dude. When he started to get more worked up Milo and the two other friends there literally circled around me, and Peaches started barking at the guy. I feel bad for getting so emotional and not being able to stay in the moment, but they were so accommodating- I’m thankful to have such wonderful people in my life.

I’ll probably just nap and watch Game Grumps all through the afternoon, and do homework in the evening. uvu Classes were cancelled due to the power outage.

College Chronicles

I kind of regret offering to help cover someone’s shift today, but I really need the money and it’s just an hour- I need to double check but I think it’s two 25 minute appointments ((instead of one 50 minute appointment)). At the very least I’m getting a bit of rest since I left class early- all that sniffling, hacking, wheezing, coughing… I downed some Excedrin, made a bowl of soup and a cup of milky tea. The power is flickering here and there because it’s so windy and stormy, but such is life. Not having the best day, honestly.

biphoenix:

on the outside I am human on the inside I am pasta and sin