I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom in a lot of ways. I’m dropping out of college and moving back in with my parents for the summer. I’ll be an hour and a half away from my girlfriend. I might be admitted into a rehabilitation center. The soonest I’ll be able to live with my girlfriend again is August 1st. The more time passes, the harder it’s becoming to eat. I already miss her and we haven’t even moved out yet. I’m nervous about living with my parents because they’ve never respected my trans identity and were the reason I developed an eating disorder when I was younger. I love them a lot, but living with them can be overwhelming. I’m having more frequent suicidal thoughts and I just don’t know what I’m doing.

I already have trouble eating enough food, but the stress and depression from the past few days has made it so hard to eat. I feel hungry, but it feels way worse to eat anything. I ate half of the breakfast my girlfriend made for me and I forced down some popcorn just now, but that doesn’t really have much substance to it.

My girlfriend is too marvelous for words. She knows I’ve been having extra trouble eating lately and has been cooking meals and making sure I eat. Even amid the process of trying to move, she still makes time to make sure I’m taking care of myself.