Just OCD Things

-Frantically explaining to your professor that you have to leave while being on the verge of tears with a pounding headache. ♡

TFW YOU’RE DOWN TO STRAIGHT UP MURDER

moldpet:

@ nts: stop putting my mental illness on your fucking clothing

(Source: boyslife)

OCD isn’t your quirk

sad–brat:

So the other day I was at target and I saw a shirt that said OCD: overly Christmas disorder. This just really pissed me off because I have OCD. Everyone puts OCD off like its some sort of joke when it’s not, I always hear people saying how OCD they are when they have no clue what it actually is. Please don’t make a corky Christmas sweater out of my mental disorder. You wouldn’t put a quirking saying about depression or an eating disorder on a sweater, so please stop making OCD a joke.

AMEN to this. OCD is not an adjective; it’s not a passing phase that made you clean your room last night. Most of the time, OCD isn’t even about cleanliness.

When you make a joke of OCD, here’s what you’re really making a joke of: violent intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks, self-loathing from the way OCD maks us act, mundane tasks/items becoming terrifying and triggering, being unable to stop certain rituals ((even if they’re bad for your health)), feeling like a freak when you have to do a ritual or behavioral compulsion in front of other people, constantly apologizing to others for the way you need to arrange things or the way you need to eat, inability to shake off terrifying persistent thoughts ((like obsessively worrying about a loved one dying or being abandoned)), inability to differentiate rational fears from irrational fears and threats, the tendency of people with OCD to develop many other mental disorders, and a variety of other things that make our lives a living hell.

When you make a joke out of OCD, this is what you’re saying to me and people like me: “I think it so hilarious that you have a condition that causes high anxiety and ruins your self-esteem because you lose your ability to control your thoughts, often causing you to become self-loathing due to the awful and terrifying thoughts that bombard you. Oh, and it’s so cute when you do those things where you organize something or have to do a some other silly behavior, lol. Your suffering is so quirky and funny to me!”

It’s not “just a joke”. It’s telling me that my struggle and my hardship is a joke to you; it convinces me and many others that you are absolutely disgusting.

Real Talk: Getting a therapy dog is such a miracle for me in so many ways. The primary and obvious reasons are to cope with GAD and OCD in particular, but as I’m thinking about getting ready for bed, I realized something.

I sleep with the lights on because I’m terrified of the dark, of something hiding. My mind plays tricks on me and when my fear takes over I can even hallucinate. Dogs are sensitive, though. They are incredible sensitive and aware of everything, and are quick to tense at a threat. If I look down and see Peaches sleeping calmly, or any time she’s near me just being calm and loving, I can know there’s nothing bad around me, and nothing is going to get me because she has way better senses and me and she’s not acting worried. And when I thought about that it made me so happy because tonight I’ll finally sleep with most of the lights off. It’s almost impossible to sleep well in a well-lit room, but maybe Peaches will help me learn to be able to sleep with the lights off.

College Chronicles

Calculus was a mixed bag. It start amazing. Last Monday was an exam, and I studied really hard for it. I got it back today, with a score of 94! My hard work paid off, and it feels awesome.

What’s not awesome is the same student clearing their throat in a loud, grunt-like way every couple of minutes. I missed most of class due to a panic attack and intrusive thoughts. I’m going to email disability resources and see what I can do to find a solution.

College Chronicles

Last Wednesday, I had an exam. I was prepared, I was confident… then, right when I sat down and the exam began, I realized. I forgot to grab my earplugs. I was too embarrassed to alert the professor. I didn’t want everyone to look at me go get something from my backpack after the exam started.

It’s cold/flu season.

Sniffling. Coughing. Sneezing.

Less than halfway through the test it began. A cacophony. It brought me to tears, and I hurried through the test, explaining in a chicken scratch note before turning in the test and leaving the classroom.

I got it back today- a 75. Higher than the class average, but she saw my note and knew from my homework that it was not the grade I should have gotten. She implored me to let her know next time, that she would have gladly let me get my earplugs. It was my own fault, really. I should have just done it, but I was too scared of what others would think. I can’t believe I let my grade suffer just so I wouldn’t stick out in class.

At least it’s just one exam- I learned my lesson, and I’m going to start keeping a pair of earplugs in my pencil case. Luckily it only brought my overall grade down to an 85, since I turn in everything else and do my best work. 

Lesson learned.

College Chronicles

I had to take my hydroxyzine for an anxiety attack for the first time in a while. It’s prescribed to me for both sleep and anxiety attacks but I don’t like taking it during the day because I’m already tired enough as is. However, during Calculus this kid near me was clearing his through in the most pronounced, loud way. I’m sure he didn’t mean to. He kept drinking water so he must just have had a sore throat. But my OCD does not give a single FUCK about the rationality of a situation. I hear him cough. And cough. And cough and clear his throat over ten times until I snap like a twig, scramble to find my medication tins, and dart out of class as inconspicuously as I can. I missed the second half of class and now have to teach myself the derivatives of trigonometric functions by myself- luckily they’re straightforward, but it’s a pain that my damned illness has just ended up giving me more work and a pounding headache.

Boy howdy I sure do love anxiety attacks. Anyone who ever uses OCD as an adjective is going to get a pencil through the trachea because OCD isn’t some temporary thing that you feel when you clean- it’s a fucking illness and it’s a nightmare.

I Need to Follow More People

justaprinceofthegalaxy:

I’m only following like 120 people and I need more non-fandom content on my dash. I mean, if you post fandom stuff that’s okay, I just need something to break up the Undertale revolution. :’D

I want to check out and maybe talk to more spoonies, non-binary people, and so on. Basically I’ll just list what I’m looking for- feel free to reblog as a signal boost, just tag it as ‘signal boost’. Tag otherwise or don’t tag and I’ll go check your blog! 

Looking For People Who Are or Who Blog About:

• Spoonies/Chronic Illness ((All kinds, but narcolepsy, cataplexy, and chronic pain specifically are relevant to me.))
  
• Transgender/Nonbinary People
• Neuroatypical People ((Again, all kinds, but the ones specific to me are BPD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, and Depression))
• College Students ((I just started college and I just keep blogging about my experience and would follow people who blog about their, too!))

So, if you’re any/all of the above, hit me up with a reblog! Mention in the tags which apply to you, and if you’re just boosting, tag as signal boost.

I Need to Follow More People

I’m only following like 120 people and I need more non-fandom content on my dash. I mean, if you post fandom stuff that’s okay, I just need something to break up the Undertale revolution. :’D

I want to check out and maybe talk to more spoonies, non-binary people, and so on. Basically I’ll just list what I’m looking for- feel free to reblog as a signal boost, just tag it as ‘signal boost’. Tag otherwise or don’t tag and I’ll go check your blog! 

Looking For People Who Are or Who Blog About:

• Spoonies/Chronic Illness ((All kinds, but narcolepsy, cataplexy, and chronic pain specifically are relevant to me.))
  
• Transgender/Nonbinary People
• Neuroatypical People ((Again, all kinds, but the ones specific to me are BPD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, and Depression))
• College Students ((I just started college and I just keep blogging about my experience and would follow people who blog about their, too!))

So, if you’re any/all of the above, hit me up with a reblog! Mention in the tags which apply to you, and if you’re just boosting, tag as signal boost.