PERSONA DANCING ALL OVER MY SOUL
"I generally just tumble around."

justaprinceofthegalaxy:

Real Talk: Getting a therapy dog is such a miracle for me in so many ways. The primary and obvious reasons are to cope with GAD and OCD in particular, but as I’m thinking about getting ready for bed, I realized something.

I sleep with the lights on because I’m terrified of the dark, of something hiding. My mind plays tricks on me and when my fear takes over I can even hallucinate. Dogs are sensitive, though. They are incredible sensitive and aware of everything, and are quick to tense at a threat. If I look down and see Peaches sleeping calmly, or any time she’s near me just being calm and loving, I can know there’s nothing bad around me, and nothing is going to get me because she has way better senses and me and she’s not acting worried. And when I thought about that it made me so happy because tonight I’ll finally sleep with most of the lights off. It’s almost impossible to sleep well in a well-lit room, but maybe Peaches will help me learn to be able to sleep with the lights off.

2 years later update: I sleep with just a night light now! In fact, sleeping in a well lit room has become foreign and uncomfortable to me. It’s weird to think that I ever slept with all of the lights on, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, even if in just this one way.

So, I’m going to an intensive in-patient treatment center.

When I first heard about it, I thought about the stereotypical mental hospital. However, as I’m going through the process of setting up my admission and it definitely seems a hell of a lot different (in a good way) than my first impressions.

Anyways, what I’m thinking is that I might keep a detailed journal describing what it’s really like. For a long time, I feared being locked up or admitted. That prevented me from reaching out to the full extent of what I was struggling with.

I wonder if a firsthand, in-the-moment log of my experience may help others who fear needing that level of help. What do you all think?

Hey, no offense, but can we stop making up childhood cartoon conspiracy theories? Let’s be real; they’ll all basically the same. That’s not the problem, though. What ticks me off is that almost all of them involve trying to prove a character as mentally ill. Now, I love to headcanon mentally ill characters, but in conspiracy theories, it’s usually thought up by an NT who knows nothing about mental health and thinks it’s okay to use mental health to creep other people out and ‘ruin’ their childhood. If you can’t make a decent theory or creepy story without throwing mental illnesses under the bus, you’re a shitty author.

pyxis-star:

ok so i unfollowed a bunch of people and i still am going through my followed blogs
please reblog this if you are :

•mentally ill (esp. bpd, psychosis or ddnos)
•part of a system (median preferred, although multiple is fine too!)
•trans/non-straight
•over 13/under 25
•otherkin/fictionkin
•aromantic

or if you post :
•pokemon
•undertale
•homestuck
•pastels
•space
•pixel art

!! (note: i probably wont follow if youre cis sorry)
specify what applies to you in the tags!!!

also, if you want to follow me please read the links in my description!!

Someone who has never been faced with a potentially traumatic experience : PTSD is just a fancy way of saying you can't get over things, and even if it is real, only soldiers could have it, they're the only people who see things like that
Me: *is suffering from PTSD and has never been in a war zone* Umm ... A lot of people aren't fortunate enough to have a mostly peaceful life and different things can effect different people
Someone: those kind of things only happens in movies, calm down with your political correctness
Me: *stares into the camera like on the office*

I Need to Follow More People

justaprinceofthegalaxy:

I’m only following like 120 people and I need more non-fandom content on my dash. I mean, if you post fandom stuff that’s okay, I just need something to break up the Undertale revolution. :’D

I want to check out and maybe talk to more spoonies, non-binary people, and so on. Basically I’ll just list what I’m looking for- feel free to reblog as a signal boost, just tag it as ‘signal boost’. Tag otherwise or don’t tag and I’ll go check your blog! 

Looking For People Who Are or Who Blog About:

  • Spoonies/Chronic Illness ((All kinds, but narcolepsy, cataplexy, and chronic pain specifically are relevant to me.))
  • Transgender/Nonbinary People
  • Neuroatypical People ((Again, all kinds, but the ones specific to me are BPD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, and Depression))
  • College Students ((I just started college and I just keep blogging about my experience and would follow people who blog about their, too!))

So, if you’re any/all of the above, hit me up with a reblog! Mention in the tags which apply to you, and if you’re just boosting, tag as signal boost.

I Need to Follow More People

I’m only following like 120 people and I need more non-fandom content on my dash. I mean, if you post fandom stuff that’s okay, I just need something to break up the Undertale revolution. :’D

I want to check out and maybe talk to more spoonies, non-binary people, and so on. Basically I’ll just list what I’m looking for- feel free to reblog as a signal boost, just tag it as ‘signal boost’. Tag otherwise or don’t tag and I’ll go check your blog! 

Looking For People Who Are or Who Blog About:

  • Spoonies/Chronic Illness ((All kinds, but narcolepsy, cataplexy, and chronic pain specifically are relevant to me.))
  • Transgender/Nonbinary People
  • Neuroatypical People ((Again, all kinds, but the ones specific to me are BPD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, and Depression))
  • College Students ((I just started college and I just keep blogging about my experience and would follow people who blog about their, too!))

So, if you’re any/all of the above, hit me up with a reblog! Mention in the tags which apply to you, and if you’re just boosting, tag as signal boost.

ask-an-mra-anything:

If you mock an abuse victim, you don’t care about abuse victims. If you tell an abuse victim they are complicit in their own abuse and don’t deserve sympathy, you don’t care about abuse victims. I don’t care how many posts you make about the tragedy of male abuse victim shelters, if you mock a male victim of abuse and tell him those things, you do not give a shit about abuse victims because you clearly don’t know shit about the psychology and trauma of abuse.

I’ve always felt guilty for developing PTSD. I’ve always felt like I’m just being dramatic because the abuse was never physical- it was emotional, verbal, and sexual harassment. But he never touched me, so I tell myself that so many others have been abused so much worse, and I hate myself for having PTSD, because I think I shouldn’t. 

About a year after it happened, I had to tell someone- so I told someone anonymous on the internet. They told me I was overreacting and that I should just let it go- other people have it worse. After that, the only people that knew were my best friend and the anon I never spoke to again. My parents didn’t find out until over three years after it happened. I tried so hard to hide it because I felt like I a faker for “getting so upset over nothing”.

Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I still tell myself it wasn’t physical so why do I get so worked up? Why do I have flashbacks and nightmares? I’m trying to accept that my abuse was valid and my feelings are valid, but I’m others won’t, and I’m afraid they’re right.

selfcareafterrape:
“ [Image Description: Getting Over Triggers: An Incomplete Guide]
Disclaimer:
Not all triggers can be gotten over and even if a trigger can be gotten over, doesn’t particularly mean it should. It is entirely up to the survivor to...

selfcareafterrape:

[Image Description: Getting Over Triggers: An Incomplete Guide]

Disclaimer:

Not all triggers can be gotten over and even if a trigger can be gotten over, doesn’t particularly mean it should. It is entirely up to the survivor to choose which triggers to try and get over, and whether or not they want to get over them at all.

Sometimes when people get over a trigger- they will still be sensitive to it in the case of relapse or more stress. 

First Step: Identifying Triggers

Triggers kind of fall in two areas. We have our super general triggers that can often be identified by a quick HALT check. (The halt system suggests that when stressed we ask ourselves ‘Am I a. Hungry b. Angry c. Lonely or d. Tired?’ ) These are things that aren’t necessarily ‘PTSD’ triggers- so much as they lower our threshold in general. You want to still be aware of these for that very reason. 

Then we have our more specific PTSD/trauma triggers.

It can be a feeling. For instance- survivors of childhood trauma often struggle with anything that makes them feel small.

It can be a visual thing. Whether it be something your attacker wore, something that you watched a lot during your trauma period, people that look kind of like the assailant. 

It can be an auditory thing. A sound, a name. 

It can be a smell. Smells are actually extremely strong triggers usually.

It can be a touch.

Triggers are things that cause an uptick in symptoms. Whether they cause panic attacks, flashbacks, or a return to behaviors such as self harm or disordered eating.

Step Two: Learning how to Self-Soothe/Ground

Self Soothing/Grounding behaviors are a dime a dozen, it’s all a matter of finding a good handful that work for you.

It’s extremely important that you find a system that works for you before trying to handle a trigger. 

There isn’t enough room on a post to go over every possible self-soothing/grounding behavior but I’m going to list some. Do some exploration on your own to find something that works or you.

1. Get an ‘oh shit’ box, or a grounding bag, or whatever you want to call it. A place where you physically keep  things that help you. Kind notes from friends. A color book. Play Dough. You’ll want things that cover all the sensory experiences.

2. Proper breathing exercises. These don’t work for everyone- but they do have a higher success rate when done correctly. 

3. Cold oranges. Oranges kept in the fridge and then peeled help a lot of people ‘come down’ from triggered states. It’s a sensory thing- both touch and focus and smell.

4. Keeping a grounding object. Whether it be a spinner ring, a necklace, a rock you keep in your pocket. Something you touch often and use as a 'I am here and this is now’

5. Essential oils can really help.

6. Journaling or Art.

7. Going back to a safe place. Whether this be a physical place or a 'place’ in your mind.

8. Counting down from 100 by 7’s. Or other things like that require you to focus.

9. Having a playlist specifically for these times. I find that having them set from sort of… high energy.angry. music to slowly going down to more calm helps me personally.

10. Progressive Muscle Relaxation.

But really, self soothing/grounding things… there are hundreds upon hundreds of options.  It’s just a matter of looking around and finding what works for you. You’ll want to find multiple. These are not cure alls by themselves- they are skills to layer upon one another.

Step Three: Define Your Triggers

In step one- you identified your triggers, now I want you to better define them. 

For instance- if touch sets you off- is it all touch? or is touch to a certain area of your body? or by people you don’t know? or when you don’ t have forewarning

This will help you understand where to start.

Step Four: Create an Action Plan and act on it.

Now you’re going to use all the information from steps three and two, as well as figuring out what skills and people you have in your life that would be willing to help.

Know what coping skills/self soothing/grounding things you will turn to.

Figure out how you’re going to start. Start small. For instance- if you have a touch trigger then you might want to start by making sure you’re as completely relaxed and in as safe an environment as possible- and then having someone you trust touch you.

Remind yourself that you are safe, that you know who is doing it, and that you’re going to be okay. Once again- start out small. Only do it for a few minutes at first- if that.

If a place is triggering, having a friend come with you and working yourself up to staying longer times. Knowing that this time? You can leave as soon as you need to. You are in control. Notice how you feel- notice the racing heart or the nausea or whatever it is- don’t shame yourself for feeling this way. Just know that it won’t be forever.

You’re going to want to make new associations as well. In over simplified terms- a trigger is basically when we see/feel/hear/whatever A and the synaptic connection immediately jumps to the trauma. What you want to do is make new synaptic connections so that it is no longer the first place you unconsciously jump to- and strengthen them regularly.  

You’re going to want to slowly work yourself up to handling more and more. It is a slow process, and it often involves a lot of agitation. Don’t push yourself too hard too fast. It’s better to spend awhile working on five minutes at a time until five minutes doesn’t bother you- than to jump in and push yourself into a relapse.

Step Five: Self Care and Processing.

Make sure that you self-soothe before and after you do things and to spend time processing what happened and how it makes you feel. When you start to tackle triggers things will usually come up. It will probably help to keep a journal regarding this process. Talk about how it makes you feel, whether physically or emotionally. Talk about what seems to work and what seems to not. You may notice patterns this way too. 

Don’t beat yourself up for not doing perfectly or still getting upset. Instead celebrate the successes and that you are now in control. You can end the trigger sensation when you want to. You can self soothe now. You have the power.

There will a guide regarding ways to handle names specifically sometime in the future. 

(Source: scaronhiatus)

Friendly remind to neuroatypical people: You are valid. Your illness is valid. You’re not valid “in spite of your illness”, you’re not valid “even though you’re mentally ill”. You’re valid. Period. You matter, your feelings matter, your thoughts matter, and you are important.

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