Today I was watching a video about weddings and I got all excited because some day I’m going to get married.

But then I got really sad because I’ll be a huge disappointment and failure to my family since I plan on transitioning and marrying a beautiful woman (or maybe a man I suppose) at the altar with me wearing a suit and I feel like if my dad is still alive then he’d sooner cry than dare go to such an event.

And then I just get really miserable.

When I came out as trans* to my dad, he started crying.

When I got packages in the mail addressed to Jack, he asked me to order things under my birth name so he didn’t have to see my name when he got the mail.

And I just kind of lay here and think about how it will make my dad hurt so much for me to transition and start hormone therapy and all this stuff that I’m looking forward too so much.

And then I wonder if I should just not transition and live my life as a girl because making my dad cry is the worst feeling. Maybe it’d be better to be someone else and make my family proud than to be me because I’m not the daughter my parents expected.

And then I figure I just won’t ever get married so I never have to deal with this. I’ll just be alone forever and never get too close to anyone, because that’d be better than seeing that look on my dad’s face.

And that’s about the point where I just toss and turn all night and cry.

Hi, I’m how-fortuitous and I’m hear to tell you all how fantastic mirthfullespurr is.

She is an absolutely fantastic artist. I wish I could draw ponies and deer like her! Real talk, literally everything she posts is adorable. Plus she puts herself out here to share her art, which I really appreciate. Seing other young artists brighten my day. It doesn’t matter what character she draws or what style she draws in, because I appreciate her skill nonetheless and the time and effort she puts into her work.

Also, she’s a really funny and kind person. If shit is going down, she’ll shoot some support my way. It really keeps me going when her and other users back me up; and I’ll always be thankful for people like espurr. She is the first to praise one of my silly headcanons or one of Irk’s fantastic text posts!

She’s such a beautiful spirit, and it breaks my heart to see her so low. All these immature anons are being toxic and downright triggering. As someone who suffers from various mental problems, they’re echoing things I used to tell myself on a daily basis, and I put myself through absolute hell.

To think that anyone would knowingly and willingly spit such venom at someone is terrible. Do they not understand how destructive that is, especially to someone who already believes that of themselves?

Espurr, I don’t care if you believe me or not; just know I’m being 100% real when I say that I think you’re amazing, and I want nothing more than you to be happy and find peace with yourself. Maybe turn off anon for a while until the toxic waste of anon hate passes by? I’ll be praying for you, and I want you to know that I always have your back. <3

I’m having a really rough night jfc I can’t hold it together for much longer.

If I’m an asshole for fighting for my mental health, then I’m a bag of dicks.

I just can’t even right now.

Who are you and what have you done with my bodaciously bombastic babefriend?

let-it-snogo:

you know everybody says that total drama has such great range in female body types but it’s basically like…a ton of differently proportioned skinny girls.

And let’s not forget how every fat character they’ve had has been typed as annoying, especially fat female characters. Owen is written as lovable but obnoxious, whereas Staci is portrayed as unbearable annoying and can’t shut up, and Sadie is portrayed as a valley girl that is omg so obsessed with her bestie. 

Then there’s the buff girls, Eva and Jo. Both are pinned as animalistic, butch to the extreme, and kind of crazy. 

Thanks TD. =n=

(Source: skyblueplains)

I had a panic attack for the first time since July today. As luck would have it, it happened at school, during choir. I guess I’m lucky I collapsed to the side, because I would have fallen down two risers had I fallen straight forward. Though at the same time I’m not really feeling lucky because choir is my biggest class so fifty people just stared at me while I was shaking and twitching on the ground.

It was weird. As usual I could feel it coming; I felt the anxiety and my heart rate rising, and usually I just sit down and drink water and tell someone, but today (even though one of my best friends were right beside me), I couldn’t even speak. My legs locked and I just stood there. All I remember from there was my whole body feeling on fire before I blacked out. I don’t think I was out fore more than a couple minutes, though. 

I’m feeling a lot better now, as thankfully my shoulder took most of the impact of falling, so no concussions or anything awful like that. I just hate having them in public; it’s easily the worst affect my mental conditions have on me. I’d give ANYTHING to not have them in public. It’s terrifying, let alone exhausting, to be in constant fear that I’ll black out. Sometimes it’s not even a panic attack, but just a fainting spell from stress or a headache. I don’t know why this happens but it’s scary and the thought of people seeing me in such a state makes me afraid.

The office said they had to call my dad and let him know, but he didn’t bring it up (which is weird because if he knew he would mention it), so I think they forgot to call. My mom didn’t know either and was surprised when I didn’t stay after school for robotics like planned, and she’s even nosier than dad, not to mention she’d be worried and want to know what caused it (which I don’t hate; I get they care and I appreciate that but it’s hard when they demand an explanation to something I don’t know or understand). 

I’m hoping for a better day tomorrow; I’m exhausted from having a headache all day. I just needed to vent it out, so here’s this wall of text.

It’s weird. I really don’t care for Zoey as a character (don’t love her, don’t hate her), but right now I’m rooting for her to win TDAS. It’s not her fault she’s poorly written. She has so much potential! <<Plus all I want is to see Mike happy and in love and if that’s Zoey in the canon bring it on.>>

If she won, Mal would in no way win, she’d be the most logical to be around during the final showdown with Mal, and she would share the money with Mike if she won, so it’s like they both win. Also, it’d be on her own merit. Even though Mal helped her win two challenges, she’s still a strong competitor since she carried her skills as Commando Zoey to her normal personality.

SHE HAS SO MUCH GOING FOR HER WHY DID THE SHOW WRITE HER LIKE SHIT.

//grumps around//