Don’t forget to celebrate the small things.

To some people, it feels like you’re doing the bare minimum. However, if you’re doing things even when they extremely hard for you (in regards to taking care of yourself), you need to remember that you’re a fucking badass for doing it and you’re doing amazing.

Today, I ate before noon for the first time in weeks. My mom smiled and congratulated me, saying I did good. My girlfriend was proud of me and let me know it. It’s hard for me to love myself or affirm myself for doing these things I feel like I should be able to do easily, but those simple words of praise made a big difference.

Real Talk

Eradicate toxic people from your life.

They do not deserve a place in your mind and heart- their presence will only bring you more hurt while they thrive off of tearing others down.

They may be someone you’ve known for a long time. They may be family. They may be the person you trust the most. No matter who they are, though, they will pollute your life.

Poison is poison, and you do not deserve their contamination in your life.

Sever all ties and don’t look back. Block them, delete them, fumigate them out of your life.

You are worth more.

I want you all to know that you’re beautiful.

Not in spite of your flaws- you’re beautiful, all of you. 

I know it’s easy to be insecure, to have those traits and features that make you cringe. Self-love isn’t easy, and it’s a journey. Either way, I wanted to just remind you that no matter how you feel about your appearance, that there is beauty in you. Inside and out, there is no “wrong” part of your body.

Those that criticize your appearance have their vision clouded with judgment. The people that matter see clearly, and the best people in this world see beauty in everything. Even if you don’t see it, even if you avoid mirrors, I want you to know that I think you’re beautiful.

If you relapsed today, please forgive yourself.

The road to recovery is never a straight line. There are twists and turns, it has an ebb and flow much like tide of the ocean. There will be overwhelming days, but you will make it through them one way or another. Remember the progress you’ve made, and keep cresting that hill tomorrow. 

I’m not a slacker for knowing my limits and not forcing myself past them.

If you relapsed today, forgive yourself.

Be it self-harm, an eating disorder, alcohol, or any other form of relapse- it happens. Recovery is not this straight line up towards progress. It’s a twisty-turvy trail full of roundabouts, hills, valleys… relapses happen, and it doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made. All the things you accomplished are still just as incredible and wonderful, and you’re still on your way to recovery. Forgive yourself, and tomorrow you can look forward and try again.

Feeling a great deal- hopefully back to your scheduled programming tomorrow- at the very least you should get selfies and a vlog of some sort since I plan on dying my hair and baking pumpkin muffins tomorrow amid the studying, actually. I’ll do all sorts of fun self-care things in between study sessions tomorrow to recharge and refresh myself. I still have work to get done, but it’s possible to be productive and also take care of myself.

I feel like everyone has gone to sleep and it’s making things very hard but I’m determined. Me and my plants will make it through the night because I’m a fuckin’ survivor. 

This is such a weird and pathetic thing to ask but I could really use some encouragement right now?

Something happened with someone really important to me, and we might just have to cut each other out of one another’s lives to protect the other’s health, but of course it hurts because they’ve been a friend of mine for two years, and I think they absolutely wonderful, but I don’t know if it’s something that can be worked out.

I’m in a lot of emotional distress right now, and my best friend, Milo, is sleeping. I tried calling and texting them to wake them up, but it didn’t work. I’m safe right now and I plan on staying safe, I could just really use some positivity and encouragement.

I try to be an encouraging and sweet person- I just can’t always be as strong as I’d like for you all. ^^;;;;

“I am so proud of you, 6 months ago you would have never asked if anyone was going your way so you could join them. Way to go!! How great that they ended up being your neighbors and also interested in medicine. Have a great day off tomorrow!

Love you, Mom“

Sometimes I don’t notice my own progress, but then people around me say things like this and my eyes honestly well up with tears because I want to get better so badly, and if I’m getting even just a bit closer, getting a bit stronger, it keeps my going. I’ve always been terrified of terrifying my parents, especially my dad. Being at college has strengthened my relationship with my parents, ten-fold. We’re like pen-pals now; I send them long emails about my day. That’s more than I’d ever communicate with them at home.

This is nice.

It’s okay if you took a break today.

It’s okay if you didn’t finish the dishes, or you haven’t done your laundry, or you didn’t clean the bathroom. You can’t be productive 100% of the time. You need to take care of yourself, you need to pace yourself and rest when needed so you don’t hurt and exhaust yourself. You’re a valuable and lovely person, and it is not only okay, but necessary for you to take breaks with you need to. Take care of your body, because your body and the person it houses are invaluable.

Fun Fact: Although I’ve had a handful of relapses, September does mark it being one year since I made the decision to choose recovery over my eating disorder. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

If you struggle with an eating disorder, please never hesitate to talk to me. I want to help you any way I can. I let mine go on for far too long, and now I have lifelong consequences. Part of my back teeth have eroded and yellowed, and I have GERD from all the damage to my esophagus due to bulimia. It takes a toll on you in ways that may last the rest of your life. So please, if you struggle with an ED, you can come to me. You can talk to me. 

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