Possessiveness 101

littlemousling:

Totally cool: “Hey, do you want to be exclusive?”

Red flag: “No one but me is allowed to touch you.”

Totally cool: “It makes me feel weird when you flirt with other people, can we talk about that?”

Red flag: “If you loved me, you would stop being friends with them. You KNOW it makes me jealous.”

Totally cool: “I hope we’re together forever. I’m so in this for the long haul.”

Red flag: “If you ever left me, I would kill myself.”

Totally cool: “Your mom is really unkind to me, can we try to minimize how often you bring me when you visit her?”

Red flag: “Your mom hates me, you need to stop talking to her. She’s trying to ruin our relationship.”

Totally cool: “I love you so much, oh my god.”

Red flag: “It’s a good thing I love you so much, because no one else would. You’d be alone forever without me.”

Other important red flags to keep in mind: someone who wants to jump into emotional/financial co-dependence very fast (like moving in together right away, or becoming each other’s only confidantes right away) and won’t take no for an answer; someone who tries to minimize how often you leave the house or interact with other people; someone who threatens you or themselves or your family or pets or possessions or financial future; someone who uses guilt to keep you from leaving a relationship.

Very important reminder: You do not need a reason to leave a relationship. Neither does the other person (or people). A relationship is over when one of the people in it says it’s over, period. Obviously it’s kind to take the end of a long relationship seriously, but abusers and manipulators have lost the right to that conversation. Lie if you need to–your safety is much more important than their feelings.

Trust your instincts!

Call me a cynic but I can’t and won’t take jr. high/high school relationships seriously.

1) You’re probably going to break up in the next week.

2) You’re going to end up going to different colleges unless you both have the same college you want to go to (which is rare but rad).

3) Even then, when you get out in the real world things are hella different (not to mention how they think high school is like the center of their world like surprise this is literally only 4 years of the 70 you have on this earth).

4) Your hormones are running around like they just had 10 shots of caffeine. How you feel now will change.

5) When you’re a teen, you usually fall in love with the idea of being in love. I’ve seen my friends date a bunch of people that don’t even have that much in common with them and OH SURPRISE THEY BROKE UP AFTER A COUPLE MONTHS IF EVEN THAT.

6) You’re like 14. What the hell. In comparison to your whole life, you’re still like an embryo.

7) People who obsess over “OMG LOVE CRUSHES GAH” usually end up having their grades suffer over it. Get your head in the game. College is more important than who you’re going to the fall ball with.

8) You’ve been dating for like a month, you’re not in love. They’re not your soulmate. Pipe down.

9) People expect to meet this great wonderful guy in high school. But newsflash: literally 80% of guys in high school are assholes/not mature/honestly just wait like 10 years you could do so much better. Same goes for girls in high school. I know what you do. Again, hormones make everyone an angsty bitch. Not the time for relationships.

I’m stopping here for now.