Holy Fucking Giggledicks This is Some Damn Good Massage Oil

Hi there, I’m a broke as shit college kid wanting to pamper his girlfriend. Did I mention I’m broke as shit and can’t afford a $15 bottle of fucking massage oil like really do I look like I have that kind of money???

If you’re like me and like to exist without bleeding cash you don’t have, then worry not because holy pickledicks have I got some news for you. 

So the one thing you do need pre-emptively that’s not always cheap is just a couple essential oils you like. I have a set of 14 I got from Eden’s Garden when they were doing a special and it was only like… $45? They’ve got the best prices of any EO company, and it’s high quality af. Mind you, these oils last FOREVER. I’ve barely used half of the set I’ve had for a year?

Anyways, if you have an EO or two and a carrier oil, you’re good to go. They sell carrier oils, but just between you, me, and the world: olive oil is an AWESOME carrier oil for massage oils. And you can find that shit at Walmart for fuck’s sake.

Now that I’m done giving you the rocket science of your ingredients, here’s the damn recipe that screams “OH FUCKING HELL TAKE ME NOW” or something.

In a glass bowl, mix it up:
-¼ cup olive oil
-7 drops Clary Sage oil
-7 drops Rosemary oil
-7 drops Bergamot oil
-7 drops Patchouli oil

Heat that shit in the microwave for 15 seconds and boy howdy you done did it! You’re welcome.

Originally posted by imthehuman

This is so new to me-
The laughing is the most wonderful sound,
Refreshing as the sea breeze at dusk.
The minutes fly by as if there are never enough
Yet no time is wasted, each second a treasure trove.
Every sigh and murmur is the ebb and flow of the tide,
And when tidal waves burst forth I’m swept away
Into whirlpools that dizzy my brain in wonderful ways,
My tongue is tied and my heart is pounding.
I could drown at any minute and it’s terrifying,
Yet I don’t resist, I let the current carry me through,
To new places, full of life I’d never seen before.
Even when I simply float along, no agenda to mind,
It is fulfilling, never a day poorly spent.
The waves that envelop me need only their presence
To bring the paradoxical peaceful excitement.
No matter where I’m taken, it’s new, it’s beautiful.
I always thought I knew quite a lot, and in some ways I do,
But as it turns out, I knew nothing about the depths,
About the endless expanse of intense blue wakes.
I don’t think I’ll ever fully know, ever cease to find newness
With all there is to find and see, I’ll never stop learning,
Forever an explorer marvelling at each treasure uncovered,
That’s love, is it not?

–Crush–

juvenile affections

are passive afflictions

that take no direction

but stew as infections