I mention this on the page, but right now I’m just trying to scrape up some money to get Christmas gifts for my family. I’m queer, disabled, and in college, so money isn’t really an abundance for me. I work very limited hours, and I spend more money in medications alone in a given month than on food. I mention this just to explain why I’m really pressing for commissions- any business or even a signal boost would be so greatly appreciated!
I currently do lineart sketches (($7)), colored sketches (($12)), and colored & shaded sketches (($18)). All colored sketches above are examples of color with shading.
Insomnia is strong with me tonight. I can’t sleep right any more- I need a stronger sleep aid. I’ll have to talk to my psych about it next time I see him. I couldn’t fall asleep until 2 am. I woke up for the fifth time around 4:15 am and figured a snack and bathroom break would fix it. It’s 5:30 am. I cannot go to Chemistry this morning or I will NOT have the spoons to go to work… there’s a Chem exam on Wednesday but I’ll just look up the study guide and prepare on my own. I’m hoping I can go to Calculus because I’m struggling with it and I also have a Calc exam on Wednesday but I feel so drained and my head is throbbing worse than usual.
The link will take you to a referral page- if you register for Birchbox through that link, I’ll get $5 credit for the store and you’ll get $5 off your first box! The box is normally $10 a month, and you automatically earn back $5 of points by reviewing the products you receive.
What is Birchbox?
It’s a monthly subscription service that sends you a collection of deluxe samples of 5-6 products. They’re often from really expensive brands, giving you a good mix of amazing products! It decides what to give you depending on a profile you fill out, plus the items come in a really cool re-usable box each time. I’ve kept all my boxes and use them for general storage, honestly.
The deluxe samples you receive often highly exceed the $10 you spend on the box ((though it’d $5 for your first box)), and I still have samples I got a while back because some of them last ages ((I got a hair serum that only requires two drops per use, so I’ve had it for almost a year, using it once or twice a week. That’s just a deluxe sample- the full size costs like… $35 or some other amount I can’t afford.
And another thing: You can cancel at ANY time. If you just want the first box for $5 and to help me out, you can do that, then cancel your subscription before it bills you for the next month. Easy as that!
TL;DR it would help me ((a financially unstable disabled college kid)) out a lot, and you would get something out of this, too! At the very least, a signal boost would mean a lot to me. <3
Being the college kid I am, I don't have money to get products that actually work on my greasy, acne-prone skin. I used to buy tons of LUSH products but I just can't afford it now. By checking out Birchbox, you could help me a TON!
Being the college kid I am, I don't have money to get products that actually work on my greasy, acne-prone skin. I used to buy tons of LUSH products but I just can't afford it now. By checking out Birchbox, you could help me a TON!
Fucking hell- I spent the majority of the late afternoon/early evening organizing my Calculus notes in a neat, detailed binder and writing up a review worksheet so I could practice everything on tomorrow’s exam one more time. I did my Chemistry homework and I was planning to make flashcards in a bit to get it really cemented in my mind.
The second I sit down to do the Calc review worksheet I made, I feel so tired it hurts, and my migraine inflates to a 5/10. Where did all my spoons go? I think I spent all my spoons preparing to study…. I’ll read my notes instead but it’s not the same as doing the practice problems….
All the bullshit I’ve been through with doctors, meds, physical therapists, school administrators and nurses, wondering if I’ll actually graduate, putting off college, the inability to celebrate my own birthday, missing out on important events with friends, having no social life, not getting my driver’s license until I was 18, not participating in normal high school activities like prom, becoming a jaded, apathetic, cynical person, and you think I wouldn’t trade all of that to be normal because of some aloof sense of superiority due to the fact that chronic illness isn’t a regular occurrence among the human race?
You think any of us wouldn’t trade all the pain we’ve been through, emotional and physical, just because we’d be like everyone else, normal, if we didn’t have it?
There is much more to myself and a lot of other chronically ill people than our illnesses, and if you would rather be sick than normal, well congratulations on being really special.
Before you flip shit at me and call me “really special” because that’s not offensive lol, maybe consider the way you take a post may not actually be the posts meaning.
Honestly I do often take the mindset of the original post- not because I want to be sick. On the contrary, I would LOVE to have days without chronic pain or the threat of collapsing in public. It would be incredible to not take a handful of pills every day just to function at a somewhat productive level.
But that’s not realistic. I can wish all I want, but my migraines aren’t going away any time soon.There is no cure for narcolepsy. I don’t want to be sick, of course, though I’m fed up with people acting like I should be constantly grief-stricken and loathing of my illness. There are people who will insist I’m not really as sick as I say I am because I don’t spend every waking moment hating my illness.
In reality, I try to keep that despair out of my mind, even though it is the first feeling to rise when I think about my illness. There is no cure for my illness(es)- giving in to the grief and frustration will do me no good. There’s nothing I can do to be cured, so why on earth would I let myself continue to be perpetually miserable?
I’m chronically ill. I don’t want to be, but I am. Me being ill won’t change any time soon.
I refuse to hate myself for something that I can’t control and can’t get rid of. I refuse to hold on to the daydreams of being healthy- all they do is make me feel worse because I know I can’t get rid of my illness. It’s just not realistic to constantly hope and wish I’ll get better. It just traps me in a desperate mindset.
So I swallow the truth. It takes a lot of time and I still am not perfect, but over time I learned to accept my illness while also acknowledging I’d give anything to be without it. I learn to be able to enjoy life instead of spending every waking second longing for an impossible outcome. Every day I do all I can to get away from that pitfall of self-pity.
And yet, able-bodied people love to drag us back to that awful mindset, whether they mean to or not. They expect us to live in that constant state of misery, as if we couldn’t possibly enjoy anything as long as we’re ill. And you know what? I would have been inclined to agree at some point. But I’ve worked my ass off to be away from that state of mind.
I am sick. I hate being sick.
Though do you want to know what I’m really sick of?
People treating me like my entire life has to revolve around pining for the impossible instead of striving to be as functional as I can- not focusing on the incurable, but how I can live a fulfilling life in spite of an illness I cannot get rid of.
There’s a small Halloween get-together at the community center tonight for housing students, but I think neurofeedback took up the rest of my spoons. I really wanted to go, but at this point it’s 50 minutes away and I’m probably going to have to stay home tonight. vnv
Me:
//constantly desires attention from loved ones// Also Me:
//feels like a burden for even starting a conversation// Still Me:
//gets paranoid when they take more than a few minutes to respond// Continually Me:
//is literally the worst and assumes everyone secretly hates me and talking to me is a chore to them// And Yet, Somehow Me:
Meh I don't really feel like talking to people, I just don't have the energy...
Realistically, I’d have enough time tomorrow to comfortably finish my Calculus homework before the 11:59 pm deadline. I have 24 problems left, and I could get about 10 in the hour I have between work and class, and that just leaves 14 to do between 6 pm and 11:59 pm, which is more than enough time, especially if I start at 6 pm like a studious noodle, which I swear to myself that I will. I just… don’t have the spoons to do homework tonight. I worked really hard in class today, and driving around and going to the doctor took too much out of me, especially since today was already a low-energy high-headache day…
I’m most certainly going to be turning in early tonight. x.x
I’m only following like 120 people and I need more non-fandom content on my dash. I mean, if you post fandom stuff that’s okay, I just need something to break up the Undertale revolution. :’D
I want to check out and maybe talk to more spoonies, non-binary people, and so on. Basically I’ll just list what I’m looking for- feel free to reblog as a signal boost, just tag it as ‘signal boost’. Tag otherwise or don’t tag and I’ll go check your blog!
Looking For People Who Are or Who Blog About:
Spoonies/Chronic Illness ((All kinds, but narcolepsy, cataplexy, and chronic pain specifically are relevant to me.))
Transgender/Nonbinary People
Neuroatypical People ((Again, all kinds, but the ones specific to me are BPD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, and Depression))
College Students((I just started college and I just keep blogging about my experience and would follow people who blog about their, too!))
So, if you’re any/all of the above, hit me up with a reblog! Mention in the tags which apply to you, and if you’re just boosting, tag as signal boost.
Someone Who Gets About 95% of the Representation in Media:
You don't have to make every character LGBT+/disabled/POC/neurodivergent/neurpoatypical. Me:
.... //makes every character even more LGBT+/disabled/neurodivergent/neuroatypical//
Me:
//has a very productive day// Me:
I'm doing great! Me:
//finds a huge issue with the online homework and has to email the teacher about it because my migraines were triggered so badly it brought me to tears and I just can't do that all term long// Me:
//fighting back self-loathing, completely forgetting every productive thing I did all day while seething in pain//
Today I decide to try and explain the concept of spoons to non-spoonies. Fellow spoonies, let me know if you think this was an adequate description? If so, pass this around. Use it if you want- whatever helps get more people in the know, you know?
~Follow me on the tumbles/Youtube and affirm my need to be an awkward disabled queer blogger.~
