Aries:
"Stop saying I look like Chicken Little because he's a coward and I'm NOT A COWARD."
Taurus:
"Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does!"
Gemini:
*sneeze* "Nice, Ron." "I sneezed! Oh, am I not allowed to sneeze?"
Cancer:
That one mashup of the Seinfeld theme with "Numb" by Linkin Park.
Leo:
"To make a long fuckin' story short, I put a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass."
Virgo:
"Roses are red, violets are blue... why did you leave me Karen, what did I do?"
Libra:
"You know what? I'm about to say it. I don't care that you broke your elbow."
Scorpio:
"Whoah, I've McFallen! I'm sorry! I've McFallen!"
Sagittarius:
"There's only one thing worse than a rapist. Boom." "*gasp* A child!" "No."
Capricorn:
"Dad, look! It's the good kush!" "This is the dollar store how good can it be?"
Aquarius:
"We all die you either kill yourself or get killed. *dances* Whatcha gonna do? *dances* Whatcha gonna do?"
Pisces:
"Ask all of my friends, they'll tell you I'm the nicest, but not if you're in motherfreakin' ISIS."